tip: scroll down 30% of the page. This is the kind of girl you come home to with your hamster up her ass during a marathon of Big Bang Theory on Thanksgiving Eve with your parents in the guest bedroom. Don't ask questions, just trust me.
Another pillow talk moment where he whispers something romantic like "i'll never share this video" and "you're the only one for me" and "i fart out of my dick after eating off taco bell's dollar menu". I don't think they're together anymore.
Not since walking into an unlocked Vietnamese Restaurant bathroom at 2:00AM have I seen such disrespect for the lower half of an oriental female. And just like the Internet watching this video, I am disgusted now. And 30 minutes from now.
Never before have I seen a man do something so disrespectful with such finesse. Where there's shame, he shows confidence. Where there's shock, he brings warmth. And where there's romance, well... he really doesn't give a flying fuck.
A night of Malibu Rum and bands that consider wind chimes an instrument can only end 1 of 2 ways. And while tits hanging off your family tree seems like a clear winner, I implore you to consider going Randy Savage on a bitch as an alternative.
Now if only this freak put as much effort into his apprenticeship as he did into literally ruining his entire life, maybe this repulsive fuck would've thought twice about using a camera with the pixel output of a yukon potato. Kill him twice.
The Midwest: Some go for affordable street drugs. Others, go to make videos that can fuel an entire season of Dr. Phil. This guy does both. 1st he loads up on Slurm, then he shows his sister-cousin who's the boss of this double-wide. A role model?
I guess having sex isn't exactly considered "challenging" when someone has the alcohol tolerance of a vienna sausage. Lesson learned: Never try to impress a girl that's probably used the neighbor's cat as toilet paper. #germany #whydidifap
I can forgive the potato-grade video quality. I understand the lack of names to prevent Instagram stalking. But cutting off the girls @3:39 before they ran to use honey dijon as lubricant? ZERO/5 stars you simple-minded, incredulous fuck.
Sociopaths play their Blue-Eyed White Domestic Abuse cards in attack mode. The end result? A record-setting 4 minute tutorial of what not to do when your Tinder match finally says yes to Chicken Nuggets & Chill.
Prostitution is pretty straight-forward. Browse Craigslist Gigs-Labor section and let the restraining orders fly. Unless you're a naive rookie that charges less than KFC's 10-piece Family Feast. Then it gets a little awkward...
[tip: look in the third row for link] Creepy fuck sets up shop in an air duct just to get a peek at a random cooter as she unloads some Mountain Dew. Unfortunately he makes too much noise & scares the utter shit out of her.
3 A.M. hookup goes from erotic to i'll kill u motherfucker as Ivan Ivanovitch Ivanovsky starts sticking his custard musket into enemy territory. The hate in her eyes is real. Him promising to keep this home movie a secret is not.
This guy might as well be the Conor McGregor of butthole dysfunction, and today he's teaching Relationships 101. Adopt his patented "Oklahoma whiff n' dip", and I promise, ur lady will never think about crying misogyny again.
You know your stock is circling the drain when the number one flirtation tactic in your arsenal involves a closed fist, and the finest douchebro tanktop in the Macy's 50% off bin. PS: Keep skipping leg day phaggot.
I wish Mr. White Shirt was a returning character in all casual sex videos. He's about as good at flirting as I am at convincing fat girls on TINDER that my semen tastes like Ben & Jerry's cake batter. Simply put: phenomenal.
Prettier the girl, the nicer you have to act to get below the panty line. A pretty standard concept and it's now officially obsolete thanks to this Australian asshole. Guy makes Martin Shkreli look charitable, he's that dickish.
Nice taste in women victims. Terrible pickup strategy though. Two words: Adoption Agency. Join the rest of the evolved population and use a dog to break the ice next time, you repulsive inbred piece of antisocial shit.
He's packing 5.7 inches worth of sexual assault but the target won't sit still long enough for him to deliver the payload. Bonus pts for her almost backing into it, but ultimately he goes home with a dick dryer than Egypt.
2 A.M. booty call goes from sensuous to fuck my life as DeAndre DeDouche repeatedly slides his butterfinger into no-mans-land: her acne-ridden, possibly-virgin asshole. She cries. He laughs. I bookmark.
Domingo & Co drop their chimichangas and head to the rooftop for some ol' fashioned Salvadoran fun: dropping 4 gallons of asparagus-enriched urine onto 2 lovers, mid-buttfuck. #domingo #asparagus #worldofpain
Kinda off-topic but holy fuckin frosted flakes, whenever this girl gets pissed (every 3 seconds), her face instantaneously scrunches up and transforms into Michael Cera. Proof @ the 6:59 mark. It's magical.