I swear to fuck: If ranch dressing becomes a standard THOT lubricant thanks to Instagram hookers like this normalizing it, I'm going to do something drastic. Like limit my meat beating to 3 times a day, or eat broccoli. This one is on you, Rainey.
Middle-age hit her like a sack of 80's exercise videos, and she needs cash. Bad. How can life get worse? Well, if you guessed being told to suck dick by the Dane Cook of porn directors, you just won my limited edition Power Ranger sex doll.
Could this be a genuine proposition? Maybe. But what you should really be asking is: If Amy Schumer was to crowbar open her whisker biscuit, would the walls be comparable to the consistency of pulling apart a peanut butter sandwich?
"She used to advertise her services as "An Experience with Dani Daniels". After you made a deposit of $500 she would deem whether or not you are worth a "date" with her. If she liked you -- you were then required to pay a further $2000"
It's one thing to play the left-handed banjo for your girlfriend's bestest friend. It's another to have said girlfriend keep that best friend hydrated mid-vertical jump. Where's the fuckin donate button? It's time to Bitcoin this legend into retirement.
Don't be fooled by the "i collect exotic toothpastes and I'm saving my G-spot for Sonic the Hedgehog" appearance. She may look like Velma Dinky, but this is no sex newb. Your always 1 Spawn comic book away from entering snatch city.
When all your knowledge of sexual intercourse comes from Shake Weight infomercials, this is the result. Also: We may have just uncovered a skill so damn useless, even California colleges won't offer a degree for it.
A hygiene level commonly found in an Arby's handicap toilet has applied itself to this girl's rectal passage. Not shocking... but Clorox may have found it's new spokeswoman. Another desperate cry for anal bleaching HERE
Want indisputable proof that Americans are all about philanthropy? Look no further my skeptical friends. Our boy wheels gets the handout of a lifetime, effectively erecting all jealous boners in a quarter mile radius.
She may not talk much, but that body language certainly has a story to tell. Specifically "take a chance", "no protection required" and the clear winner: "look at me. i'm the captain now, mother fucker". YOU IN 12 SECONDS