Never underestimate an 18-year-old with an active Snapchat account. She might leave campus with a more diseased crotch than Skid Row in June... but the stories she'll be able to tell her 7 half-latino baby daddies will be absolutely legendary.
Somehow, someway the degeneracy of clickbait titles has continued to grow. I'm not looking forward to the influx of "trans-abled cousin secretly films butt sex tape with the neighbors mailman and blackmails me with it" videos in 2020.
Becky LaStarbuck's safe space gets invaded by some degenerate clawing his way to 500 likes and subscribes... only to find the find the school's biggest petri dish instead. Does she: 1) Demand he stop 2) Compare dick sizes or 3) Not budge
Contrary to appearance, she didn't beat herself to death with a Dashboard Confessional CD after this wound up online. But her usefulness is spent faster than a black man's paycheck at Footlocker so... fap with +5 to agility.
Daddy-issue appearance without the feminist dick-hating. Not a bad piece of flib flab. Would I take her out on a date to Wendy's? No. Would I want to use her vaginal utopia to power an indoor slip and slide? Hell to the mother fuckin maybe.
Kinda pointless to shame yourself on social media and not even flash one angle of your cervix that can be Photoshopped into Sponge Bob. Aren't we supposed to be marching towards new goals as a society? I'm disappointed in you, Becky.
There's something kinda endearing about a girl that has the pride-to-beauty scale of Romanian hooker. Her talents scream give me 6 months and my asshole will out-perform Mexican cartel footlockers. Clearly we're lookin at wife material here.
Short list of things I value in life: Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care and inexperienced females, like this one in particular. Tack on the fact that she looks like pre-Civil War Pepper Pots and we're talking perfection here.
When you're moist enough to be lubed under water, and have more lung capacity than a Navy Seal - you should be recognized for your natural born gifts. Call Emma Stone & tell there's been a recount for that Oscar Award.
a.k.a small wiener compensation. It happens when homebois packing less meat than a vegetarian cafe get discouraged by their girl's lack of excitement. Sounding like the immigrant from That 70's Show is optional.
Mayli/Amelia Wang: Daughter of Vice President of Goldmann Sachs. Rich, classical pianist, an artist. Then bitch does a life-ruining facial abuse scene for $200 just to stick it to daddy. Made me understand women a lot better.
...to stop using the grocery store's dental aisle to reach her O-face. Shit lady, ever heard of Amazon? We'll go ahead donate the full $585.00 just to see you go 1 on 1 with this WOMB WRECKER and leave Colgate out of this war.
I've seen this configuration before: Cute Whole Foods cashier above the waist, John Deer lawn aerator below it. I'd contact my local feminist chapter for false advertising, but I've already filled my tube sock & it's time for bed.
Can't imagine how many E.R. vists had to be falsified before she found the sweet spot. I respect the exploration, but the only road this fetish ultimately leads to is Dennis Rodman and strategically placed cream cheese.
Only 60 seconds into her movie debut, and this DTF-GF is already 86'ing the entire thing. Undoubtedly to keep her name credible in the community and around all things pumpkin spice-flavored. Talk about high-maintenance.
Camgirl Porn: Sometimes it's as exciting as an audio book of Newt Gingrich customizing a bowl at Chipotle. But throw in a pair of glasses and a girl that pays the vagisil bill with e-tokens, and it becomes BUENOS FAPPERINOS!
If there's 1 thing short-haired white wimmen are really good at, aside from demanding special treatment at discount clothing stores, it's living out depraved sexual fantasies. And this one just boggles my fucking mind.
My gut instincts tell me this is about as probable as Shia LaBeouf being properly medicated during business hours.. but I do find her full body dry-heaving, and fluid distribution kind of compelling. Thoughts?
Does anybody want to tell me the purpose of editing in the soundtrack of a Full House episode? Either her climax was legendary, or Uncle Jesse is out of frame with a handful of yogurt and a smile. Think about it.