Well, here it is. The Citizen Kane of "i watched a man more deteriorated than Mick Jagger's asshole fuck my mentally ill sister" videos. Actually... I'm not entire sure Mick Jagger is dead or not, but I'm positive he hasn't been alive since the '87 tour.
Less than 10 seconds of footage, yet so much to unpack here. Why is that guy's arm broken? What zoo animal is the guy in the background jacking off? Where is the health certificate being displayed to the public? Enhance, we must go deeper.
This is pretty damn cool. And I don't mean 'haha cool' like when Rosie O'Donnell claimed to be a female. This woman is focused, disciplined and can grease the shaft like she's doing a double shift at Jiffy Lube. #KEEPER
This is called Taking a Turkish Bike Ride. It happens when those dudes with above-average girth fail lubrication preparation. So they pump harder... til a breaking point hits. Somewhere between the 3rd & 4th second degree burns.
The ultimate persuasion (see: 40+ reasons) to get you down to the clinic and tested for everything from butt crabs to wiener warts. Seriously, if doctors hung photos like this on the wall I would predict a 37% decline in controllable STDs.
I'm a simple man. I can only imagine the sex life of an active farmersonly.com only has one dynamic to it. And we're fucking looking at it right now. #help
Maybe you've already seen this video? Anything teacher-sex related seems to spreads around the Internet faster than ranch dressing at a feminist rally. Just don't be bamboozled by the reasonably-priced outfit... this one might be legit AF.
She's got a White Claw hangover and doesn't give a single fuck. They flirt, she gropes, they record enough jerk material to start another collusion conspiracy. Shit's getting creepy... until Vladamir Pootin accidentally hits the STOP button.
If porn has taught me anything at all, it's that suburban middle-class white girls absolutely love having sex with their family members. Especially the ones with low self-esteem and awkwardly shaped teeth. Alabama rly changed the game.
I swear to fuck: If ranch dressing becomes a standard THOT lubricant thanks to Instagram hookers like this normalizing it, I'm going to do something drastic. Like limit my meat beating to 3 times a day, or eat broccoli. This one is on you, Rainey.
Never underestimate a girl in need of clout. You will leave the situation scratching your crotch like you just left a Persian bachelor party, but the stories are priceless.
Every once in a while porn life overlaps into real life. Let's just be glad this event was made possible without the assistance of Czechoslovakian accents, fake public transit and/or a petting zoo. You don't want to see the things I've seen man.
One Karen after another gets their safe spaces invaded by a degenerate clawing his way to 400 Snapchat followers... only to end up on this site instead lmao #fail
My gut tells me this is about as authentic as Joy Behar being properly medicated during business hours... but I do find her lack of fucks to give kind of endearing.
Is it really her sister? Is it a friend? Do you really give 2 cinnamon toast fucks as long as your wonder weasel gets 3 minutes of alone time with a tube sock of your choosing? Two of these questions may never get the answers they deserve...
What weighs 47lbs and gets demolished by African Americans on a weekly basis? If you answered Popeye's Family Feast meal, you're only getting partial credit.
Brodude pays more attention to PajeetWarrior20x3 spamming his chatroom than he does to his girlfriend's orifices, resulting in a no-scope sneak attack of her crude oil tank. And judging by her response... there won't be a second mistake.
I mean they're technically not wrong. I was just hoping for something more along the lines of trailer park hooker dirty, not trailer park marriage dirty. #disappointed
What's that old saying again? If a sex act exists, some degenerate fuck from Corhole Arkansas is practicing it in the backroom of his cousin's double-wide? Because I'm pretty sure that's what we're all witnessing right now. Kill him twice.
Simulated sexual assault of the rusty chimney from a believable actress? Kinda impressive TBH. Someones gotta tell Peter Dinklage to dust off that Emmy Award, we have a new winner for Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama.
There's something captivating about a girl willing to blindly fuck strangers. Her talents just scream "give me another 3 months and my butthole will have the girth-to-depth ratio of a guatemalan sinkhole". Clearly this is bookmark material.
Shame she doesn't make raunchy butt ripper videos anymore. A damn crying shame. Never again will we see this level of excitement when it comes to colonizing the dark planet. EDIT: she's still alive/active. more [here] and [here]
And by shocked I mean quietly contemplating how far into insanity social media and attention whoring has pushed society. Crazyshit.com makes these Efukt-ish videos regularly and they officially changed my life for the worse. More [HERE]
