A number of ding dongs not normally found outside of a Twitter holiday party combine powers to set a record for Carter Cruise. But it's not the volume that matters here - it's the permanent brain damage. You'll see what I mean lol...
Her name is "Alisonfire" but I prefer the moniker "reason I have to buy 2-ply toilet paper in bulk". Fun Fact #1: She's famous for making the world wait half a decade for wiener-on-vag action. Fun Fact #2: 173,000 of her Pornhub views are from me.
Mental disorders pardon all: test scores, bad hygiene, Kathy Griffin. But he's got chromosomes like Tiger Woods has hangovers & I dont know if I should laugh, or press charges for stealing my patented 'no-handed buzzsaw' seen @ 18:48
I guess her bad-girl charm just wasn't enough to persuade a fellow beach tramp into leaving her conscious. That's okay though. From the ashes of her social media failure, rises a new opportunity for greatness. I won't spoil it for you...
Is this it? Is this the future of homemade cinematography? Because I swear to Joe Pesci if this is a trend that catches on I will limit masturbation to 5 times per day. On weekends. That happen to fall on Jewish holidays. During leap years. Got it?
Apparently Chumpo thinks the worst time on Earth to go limper than wet toilet paper is worth filming. Sorry pal, you can brag about teh dollar store sluts all you want: If you can't fuck 'em, your about as useful as Charlie Sheen at a blood drive.
Monetizing your vagina only has a few rules: No trips to Home Depot & keep the clitoris away from things with the name "Husqvarna" on them. Not a hard list, but this MFC alumni decides to test fate another way, resulting in a semi-rage quit. GG
Some guy that considers dollar store tattoos an art form bangs the shame out of the last girl that should be on his ding donger. After the 15th time he says "look at the camera, it begins to feel more like Crazyshit video than a Pornhub video.
Olive Garden's hostess of the month unequivocally accepts defeat and calls an audible after a meager 4 mins on Labron's pocket mongoose. In other words: the end result of seeking vaginal salvation on blacksingles.com. Becky was warned.
Somehow, someway the degeneracy of clickbait titles has continued to grow. I'm not looking forward to the influx of "trans-abled cousin secretly films butt sex tape with the neighbors mailman and blackmails me with it" videos in 2020.
Interesting approach to entertainment. It's like Robot Chicken lost it's virginity to a Vietnamese midget. note: crazyshit makes this kinda compilation every update (among all their other efukt-inspired edits) and that's not just cool... it's frosty.
Call it foreplay. Call it a gimmick. Call it whatever the fug you want - as long as we get front row access to something in South America that doesn't involve the beheading of a guy that stole a stick of butter, you officially have my attention.
A quick romp and stomp in the ole spaghetti house gets diverted when momma comes a'knockin. But due to either unawareness, or a fetish Efukt hasn't shown me yet - she sidelines herself to keep the action going. I am slightly confused.
Not since raiding grandpa's spunk trunk have I seen amateur video with such questionably high production value. Im down tho, it's got integrity. Know who doesnt have integrity? These sorry sacks of Internet-begging token dumpsters.
And that's about 30 more than the average heterosexual male will need to reach peak yogurt arch. If there was a hall of fame for "Reasons I Have to use a Magic Eraser on my Ceiling" this would be on top. Directly underneath this clown show.
Most erections won't make it past that hobgoblin in the second video, but trust me - it gets better. Not season 4 into season 5 Game of Thrones better. More like final episode "thank fuck this is over, I need to shower this stink off me" better.