Downside of dating girls w/ sex drives of a Viagra-infused jackrabbit? Everything is a reason to get her uterus looking like it went seven rounds with mid-90's Tyson. That last girl might need to be stunned back to the mental hospital tho.
The pricetag was assumed here. And after you see Stewart's deflated bean bag getting more action than a football stadium during Covid, you'll agree that's a gross underestimation. I got 2 words lady: ONLYFANS. Less nightmares there.
Here's a 4-minute tutorial on how to secure your status as a real life blue Twitter checkmark. In other words: Pro afro dong, body-by hamburger helper and a level of complaining even Al Bundy himself would be jealous of. [original edit here]
crazyshit.com tackles a serious problem that has gone on for too damn long, in a masterful edit that will leave you questioning both the average tolerance of the female sphincter and who should have really been the final boss of DOOM 2016.
Hannah Hays has an interesting combination. The top half screams "I still wear training bras and listen to Backstreet Boys on vinyl". And the bottom half just echos it because DAMN that pussy is fat enough to charge NYC parking rates.
So... this is how far we've come eh? Swapping wiener with your own bloodline, while a waterfall of strangers cheer you on with pocket change. Well shit ladies, I got $5 and a slightly used zesty ranch sauce if you can take this to Wrestlemania.
Acquiring poon in 2020 is straight-forward: Swipe right on Tinder a few times and let the self-loathing begin. Unless you're from the same state that pumps out these kinds of misfits. Then you have to be a raging sex offender get creative.
Rebecca's first time in Stinktown USA proves memorable. For the guy trying to double-dip, not her. Binging Dr. Phil episodes is going to erase this memory faster than me getting permabanned from Home Depot for stress testing toilet displays.
This increasingly disturbing camgirl behavior keeps picking up more steam, but this time the female is a total right-swipe. Just ignore mommas resemblance to Antonio Banderas in The Mask of Zorro, and it will be BUENOS FAPPERINOS.
This chumpo prefers his women to be on the defensive, specifically ones that have the best set of knockers I've seen on this side of Walmart's customer service line. I promise tho, its the single greatest ICP-fan sex tape you'll fap to today.
Back in the early days of Chaturbate there were ~7 girls actively streaming. 2 were a mother daughter combo with severe chromosome disabilities, a few normies and... this girl. Those super milkers literally paved the way to a media powerhouse.
Urkel single-handled sets up his Occupy Snowbunny movement in grade A trailer park tushy and she's spazzing out like an epileptic at a rave - How can things get better? They can't. But the vulcan cock grip she pulls off at 2:31 is a great start...
Farted on, finger raped, told he looks like fuckin Robin Williams - he endures pain you can't even imagine. Fortunately he's a Sum 41 mosh pit survivor and holds a blackbelt in making Terminator-esque sound effects whilst flailing his arms like...
There's no false advertising when it comes to Kenzie Reeves. If nature had a way of organically producing portable pocket pussies for the average man to carry around with in public, this 78lb spinner body would be the fucking blueprint for it.
Just what in the fuck is going on here? Sneaky camera angles? Or are we actually witnessed the mating ritual of a Tyrannosaurus Rex? I don't know man, but one thing is for sure: Straight White Cervix Lives most definitely do not matter today.
You know the setup: It's 2 hours into a zombie crawl through GAPS manager discount section on eyepatches that were repackaged in a Hong Kong sweatshop and suddenly you find a stack of dimes in your Fruit of the Looms. #shesakeeper
Anyone else have a theory that there's a factory churning out these girls by the hundreds on a conveyor belt in Edison New Jersey? They're all starting to bleed into the same hair/tan/sexually transmitted disease combo... and I don't like it.