protip for my ever-evolving female viewer base: If you ever find yourself in this situation, make sure you order the blooming onion first. Outback servers tend to frown upon this kind of behavior out of the gate. Ask me how I know.
Daddy-issue appearance without the feminist dick-hating. Not a bad piece of flib flab. Would I take her out on a date to Wendy's? No. Would I want to use her vaginal utopia to power an indoor slip and slide? Hell to the mother fuckin maybe.
The Midwest: Some go for affordable street drugs. Others, go to make videos that can fuel an entire season of Dr. Phil. This guy does both. 1st he loads up on Slurm, then he shows his sister-cousin who's the boss of this double-wide. A role model?
She's pretty hot. So hot I'd consider parting with my first-edition Lindsay Lohan love doll just for a fighting chance at being lost inside that Japanese bush fire. Yes, I'm talking about the rare pre "i snorted Tide Pods before it was cool" version.
If your the kind of man that can enjoy white girls giving back to a marginalized community, then this is the video for you. Don't give a fuck about philanthropy? Then perhaps another video showcasing women's talent suits you better.
Funny how porn has evolved from basic penetration, into an ambitious race to see who's more willing to donate their genitals to medical research. She's Melody Marks and she just gave my wiener reason to watch The Walking Dead again.
Kinda pointless to shame yourself on social media and not even flash one angle of your cervix that can be Photoshopped into Sponge Bob. Aren't we supposed to be marching towards new goals as a society? I'm disappointed in you, Becky.
Don't be fooled by the "i collect exotic toothpastes and I'm saving my G-spot for Sonic the Hedgehog" appearance. She may look like Velma Dinky, but this is no sex newb. Your always 1 Spawn comic book away from entering snatch city.
Show me a woman that puts this much effort into her homemade skin flicks, and I'll show you the kind of divorced mother of 3 I want Dr. Phil to dedicate an entire episode to. cash me outside the 7-11 begging for beef jerkey, how bout dat?
The planet's newest trend: Introducing your significant other to a man with more meat than Texas butcher shop... and then watching her get dismantled by it. Not my cup of Mountain Dew, but that might be due to not having a Reddit account.
1 video, 5 minutes, no name. The identity race started in this thread and has now spread around porn sites faster than genital warts at an Insane Clown Posse concert. Four weeks later and we still have nothing but dick rash to show for it...
I guess having sex isn't exactly considered "challenging" when someone has the alcohol tolerance of a vienna sausage. Lesson learned: Never try to impress a girl that's probably used the neighbor's cat as toilet paper. #germany #whydidifap
Communal Service Porn: Sometimes it's about as exhilarating as an audio book of Warren Buffet customizing a footlong at Subway. But throw in a bazooka for a cock and a husband that can speak Klingon and it suddenly becomes legendary.
Don't be misled by the Victoria's Secret attire and willingness to film. She may resemble that waitress at Denny's you wanted to fuck in dad's El Camino... but trust me - there isn't enough blackmarket dick pills to hammer through this one.
The biggest downside of following an all-turnip and gluten free water diet? Your soy boy body produces less testosterone than a chipmunk's nutsac. Speaking of nutsacs - take that fucking thing to biology class & leave it there, Foreman. srsly
Basically a public service announcement on the pros and cons of using Tinder in New Orleans. Some live to tell the tale. Others are in diapers at the age of 27. All have an abnormally intimate relationship with Newport cigarettes and gravy.
Symptom #271 you need to move out of the trailer park: You stumble upon footage of Mom getting smacked around with more meat than a Texas butcher shop... and rather than running for the hills, you sit down & start planning sequels.