Pretty sure this one is a complete setup, but she's definitely been down this road before. The "a guy tried to pay me for sex in Canadian pennies so I punched his cock" is a reaction that can only be experienced - not learned. Ask me how I know.
It's one thing to play the left-handed banjo for your girlfriend's bestest friend. It's another to have said girlfriend keep that best friend hydrated mid-vertical jump. Where's the fuckin donate button? It's time to Bitcoin this legend into retirement.
Don't laugh at this. Even if your soul is more decayed than Robert De Niro's asshole after a weekend visit to a naval base, it should still tell you that giggle time is officially cancelled until Ricardo is located and a proper sequel is made.
A hearty "FUCK YOU" to whoever said portable meat satchels can't get you laid. This man's lust for affordable nutrition on-the-go just netted him enough Tier-3 tuna casserole to earn a Martha Stewart seal of approval. #putthatontelevision
Practically 2 hours of social-media influenced acts of whoring - so unprecedented you might have to get the Jiffy Pop ready and clear an afternoon. Don't be fooled by those smiles tho... their love for Internet anonymity dies here and dies now.
Owning a Boat: aka the most over-hyped financial shitpit lie you were told about increasing your chances of getting laid. free tip: it doesn't work. Statistically speaking Chipotle gift cards and tribal tattoos have a better success rate. relevant
Becky LaStarbuck's safe space gets invaded by some degenerate clawing his way to 500 likes and subscribes... only to find the find the school's biggest petri dish instead. Does she: 1) Demand he stop 2) Compare dick sizes or 3) Not budge
A Cardi B cocktail, Walmart toilet seats and discounted Rice-a-Roni at a swap meat: All things I'd commit to before slapping a ring on the talons of one of these harpies. Pay attention boys: One day it might be half of YOUR Amiibo collection.
Not even sure what the hell is going on here. I see too much ink, Too little foresight and a modified hospital bed normally reserved for My 600 lb Life. No further info than that, so... time for some hashtags. #doublestandards #hetoo
After shlogging a good 90% of the right-swipe rejects on FarmersMeet.com - you are entitled to a bone being thrown your way. And here I thought I've seen jevery angle there is to enter a Pottery Barn cashier from... but I was wrong. So wrong.
Contrary to appearance, she didn't beat herself to death with a Dashboard Confessional CD after this wound up online. But her usefulness is spent faster than a black man's paycheck at Footlocker so... fap with +5 to agility.
This is all but guaranteed to heighten your curiosity of any legitimate family tree exploration stories out there. Don't be soured by the 47 clickbait titles it took for you to land here - your quest for honesty on the Internet lives here and now.
Skylar Valentine. Standing at a legitimate 4'7, she may be the only girl that can rim you without having to bend the knee. Daenerys Targaryen might consider that an act of disrespect. Everyone else considers it side-chick material.
protip for my ever-evolving female viewer base: If you ever find yourself in this situation, make sure you order the blooming onion first. Outback servers tend to frown upon this kind of behavior out of the gate. Ask me how I know.
Daddy-issue appearance without the feminist dick-hating. Not a bad piece of flib flab. Would I take her out on a date to Wendy's? No. Would I want to use her vaginal utopia to power an indoor slip and slide? Hell to the mother fuckin maybe.
The Midwest: Some go for affordable street drugs. Others, go to make videos that can fuel an entire season of Dr. Phil. This guy does both. 1st he loads up on Slurm, then he shows his sister-cousin who's the boss of this double-wide. A role model?
She's pretty hot. So hot I'd consider parting with my first-edition Lindsay Lohan love doll just for a fighting chance at being lost inside that Japanese bush fire. Yes, I'm talking about the rare pre "i snorted Tide Pods before it was cool" version.
If your the kind of man that can enjoy white girls giving back to a marginalized community, then this is the video for you. Don't give a fuck about philanthropy? Then perhaps another video showcasing women's talent suits you better.
Funny how porn has evolved from basic penetration, into an ambitious race to see who's more willing to donate their genitals to medical research. She's Melody Marks and she just gave my wiener reason to watch The Walking Dead again.
Kinda pointless to shame yourself on social media and not even flash one angle of your cervix that can be Photoshopped into Sponge Bob. Aren't we supposed to be marching towards new goals as a society? I'm disappointed in you, Becky.
Don't be fooled by the "i collect exotic toothpastes and I'm saving my G-spot for Sonic the Hedgehog" appearance. She may look like Velma Dinky, but this is no sex newb. Your always 1 Spawn comic book away from entering snatch city.
Show me a woman that puts this much effort into her homemade skin flicks, and I'll show you the kind of divorced mother of 3 I want Dr. Phil to dedicate an entire episode to. cash me outside the 7-11 begging for beef jerkey, how bout dat?