Contrary to appearance, leading role in a wiener apocalypse isn't her specialty. You could say her B.A. in theater was more wasted than season 4 of The Walking Dead. But that's a-okay when you can add "Panther Whisperer" to your resume.
No context, no explanation. Just a couple that like to beat the living corn bread out of each others genitals in the backseat of environmentally-friendly sedans. I've officially never seen such disrespect for cloth interiors in all my life.
Flattery is not exactly my strong point, but I'm gonna have to say: chick is pretty darn bangin'. I'd gladly slurp Spider-Man SpaghettiOs out of Mama June's wartorn cornhole just for a chance to hold her hand in the line at Burger King. Twice.
As fate would have it, drinking your body weight in White Claw (see: Certifiably Loud Ass White-girl) and running to the nearest genitalia at the biggest herpes convention of the year isn't the best idea after all. Live, Learn and Regret, Becky.
With a filename like AnalDislike.flv I can assure you this entry was mislabeled on upload. She's got sexual freedom like Miley Cyrus has prescription shampoos for her crotch & it officially raised the bar on my definition of "relationship material".
Sheldon is an expert of 2 things: Fortnite building & frying up the best meatball hot pockets this side of the prime meridian. Unfortunately neither skill will stop her from cheating with a guy that considers windchimes a musical instrument.
Going Hard in the Paint - It's the stepping stone to reliving your past life in the sorority house. Most women under the age of 40 have enough confidence in their rectal muscles to take the challenge. But this lady has a different approach...
Hannah Hays has an interesting combination. The top half screams "I still wear training bras and listen to Backstreet Boys on vinyl". And the bottom half just echos it because DAMN that pussy is fat enough to charge NYC parking rates.
7 (read: seven, as in the number of times I've been kicked out of Burger King for "unnecessary use of a urinal") acts of public lewdness not even I suggest copying, especially that last one. Let's just say: Raging Waters will never be the same again.
Apparently semi-professional fornicators have acquired some sort of dignity? Back in my day that hotel room door would have been unlocked, opened and inviting all migrants to participate in the three-handled family grudunzle.
Social media misfit suffering from the combo of attention whoring & bug-eyed bitch syndrome performs the unhealthiest act of eroticism I've witnessed since girl_shits_herself_at_limp_bizkit_concert.mp4. Didn't see that one? ur missing out.
Nevermind the fact that she talks like a slightly upgraded version of Stan's tard sister on Southpark. What I really want to know is what's up with this new trend of bodily fluids being replaced with Nickelodean slime. And I want to know now.
A no-questions asked power punch to the cervix would put the kibosh on any sexual escapade outside of Filipino whore house, but not this chick. I imagine nothing short of a hot sauce enema would make her utter the words "i quit".
Middle-age hit her like a sack of 80's exercise videos, and she needs cash. Bad. How can life get worse? Well, if you guessed being told to suck dick by the Dane Cook of porn directors, you just won my limited edition Power Ranger sex doll.
Could this be a genuine proposition? Maybe. But what you should really be asking is: If Amy Schumer was to crowbar open her whisker biscuit, would the walls be comparable to the consistency of pulling apart a peanut butter sandwich?
Never before have I seen a man do something so disrespectful with such finesse. Where there's shame, he shows confidence. Where there's shock, he brings warmth. And where there's romance, well... he really doesn't give a flying fuck.
Symptom #293 you need to end the all-turnip and MDMA diet: You develop the sex drive of a cinder block followed by a speech impediment that could end a marriage in Alabama. But rather than seek Dr. Phil's help, you do this instead.
Have you ever seen a professional cocksmith go from smiling to disgusted this quickly before? She's pretty good at hiding it but lemme tell you... it's all fun and games until you're face-to-gut with a man that has the endurance of a sloth.
"She used to advertise her services as "An Experience with Dani Daniels". After you made a deposit of $500 she would deem whether or not you are worth a "date" with her. If she liked you -- you were then required to pay a further $2000"
and by "real" I mean the kind of on-demand tears that could snag an Emmy nomination right next to Captain Marvel. Or equally as interesting: "What I Flushed Down My Toilet Last Night" (that one was an independent documentary)