[tip: look in the third row for link] Creepy fuck sets up shop in an air duct just to get a peek at a random cooter as she unloads some Mountain Dew. Unfortunately he makes too much noise & scares the utter shit out of her.
3 A.M. hookup goes from erotic to i'll kill u motherfucker as Ivan Ivanovitch Ivanovsky starts sticking his custard musket into enemy territory. The hate in her eyes is real. Him promising to keep this home movie a secret is not.
This guy might as well be the Conor McGregor of butthole dysfunction, and today he's teaching Relationships 101. Adopt his patented "Oklahoma whiff n' dip", and I promise, ur lady will never think about crying misogyny again.
You know your stock is circling the drain when the number one flirtation tactic in your arsenal involves a closed fist, and the finest douchebro tanktop in the Macy's 50% off bin. PS: Keep skipping leg day phaggot.
I wish Mr. White Shirt was a returning character in all casual sex videos. He's about as good at flirting as I am at convincing fat girls on TINDER that my semen tastes like Ben & Jerry's cake batter. Simply put: phenomenal.
Prettier the girl, the nicer you have to act to get below the panty line. A pretty standard concept and it's now officially obsolete thanks to this Australian asshole. Guy makes Martin Shkreli look charitable, he's that dickish.
Nice taste in women victims. Terrible pickup strategy though. Two words: Adoption Agency. Join the rest of the evolved population and use a dog to break the ice next time, you repulsive inbred piece of antisocial shit.
He's packing 5.7 inches worth of sexual assault but the target won't sit still long enough for him to deliver the payload. Bonus pts for her almost backing into it, but ultimately he goes home with a dick dryer than Egypt.
2 A.M. booty call goes from sensuous to fuck my life as DeAndre DeDouche repeatedly slides his butterfinger into no-mans-land: her acne-ridden, possibly-virgin asshole. She cries. He laughs. I bookmark.
