Everyone else is talkin about stimulus checks and economic downfall, and I'm just waitin for girls to start masturbating in the middle of Target again. #oldfashioned
I've seen this hysteria before. The McRib comes back for 2 days and someone else is trying to sell you bargain beef in the parking lot for half the price. Listen closely Becky: Not now, Not ever. Now where the fuck is my Darkwing Duck happy meal?
I mean they're technically not wrong. I was just hoping for something more along the lines of trailer park hooker dirty, not trailer park marriage dirty. #disappointed
The first girl may have very well ended erectile dysfunction as we know it with nothing more than eye contact. The second one instantly brought the epidemic back in full force. That's some sweet 50/50 booking, BROTHER. [original here]
Fast Food: Some go for the convenience. Others, to test the durability of their Flushmaster 3000. But a select few request a real happy meal. #beyondmeat
A little bit off-topic, but sweet mother of dragons, every time this girl sticks out her tongues (every 8 seconds) her face instantly reminds me why TUMBLR and pocket knives are a horrible combination.
The most erotic thing I've seen since the time my 19 y/o housekeeper cried 'no es bueno' after happening upon my unflushed shitter. Day before was Olive Garden night, fuckin Tour Of Italy. To quote Lil Wayne - I made it rain.
Symptom #47 that you've graduated from inappropriate MILF, to fully fledged slutiness: you've got 5 minutes between PTA meetings, and instead of preparing questions, you roll the dice & smash sum gash instead.
If only she put as much effort into real porn as she did into the Full House of scripted prank TV, maybe I'd feel proud about filling up that 6 pack of tube socks with homemade ranch dressing. But I don't. FULL VERSION
Public climaxing. Doesn't bother to take off her pants. Doesn't care to put down her cigarette. This girl can't give a fuck less about soiling her Victoria Secrets, and I love it. Apathy porn man. That needs to be a thing.
Only 1 thing compliments the smooth stylings of progressive underground Serbian folk music: And that's getting more of a rash on your crotch from the guy you raw dogged, than the toilet. Ya dun good tonight, Babooshka.
Lunch break goes from puffin cigs, to toying tuna torpedos, as Pam Beesly all but guarantees this brodudeski's hotel stay ends in a 5-star YELP review.
Concert goes from casual genital appreciation, to a full blown AIDS epidemic when 1 reckless cunt turns her vayjay into a full serve cock carwash. 1 migrant after another get granted VIP access, zero questions asked.
Exciting, amirite? Too bad these are no amateurs. It's Johnny and Kissa Sins. Never heard of him? Let me put it this way: That wang has serviced more emaciated pussy than 30 yrs worth of Fancy Feast in the ASPCA.
Narcissistic dick toaster skips the small talk and goes right for the krusty burger - a secret menu item our hero victim never ordered. SPOILER: She gets rejected faster than transgender feminist in a Texas bathroom.
A romantic moment breaks out in front of stunned train passengers. Emilio then ups his game by infiltrating teh underpants and securing a chastity belt-like grip on this gypsies coin purse. Technique brought to you by JCVD.
Hipster look without the feminist agenda. Not a bad piece of turkey jerky. Will I date her? No. Will I treat her to a Gummy Bear Jamba Juice and complimentary cornhole evaluation? OHY. Her Twitter. Her YouTube.
Attention whore diddles her clit in the fast lane, hoping to distract a man in charge of 40 tons of steel. Victory is semi-achieved halfway in, ending with no more than a thumbs up & Katy Perry high notes. Rules of the road.
He's twice her age, sports a level 10 pedostache and drives a 93' Suzuki, Rapevan Edition. Most girls would fear for their lives. But her? The dripping wet twat speaks for itself: slosh slosh slosh slosh slosh slosh.
She's built like Despicable Me, and dude's shorter than the closet twink from Hunger Games. It's a sexual miscombination, and it's one that goes from moderately bad to fucking ewwwww! very quickly. (1 min. mark)
and a beautiful face. and amazing tits. But how about the personality? Probably less depth than a gerbil's vagina. I like you, I'll pleasure myself to you, but the pedestal remains reserved for Veronica Mars.
Genius idea, poor execution. People want to see a petite Hispanic with a greasy asshole ride that bike through a swap meet. Not Ned Flanders in Fuckstick, Tennessee. Now apologize to your Walmart denim.
Oscar Delamos - loving husband, father of 20, and official badboy of Best Western's security/janitorial department. Dude straight swaps free rooms in exchange for crackwhore pussy.
