My gut tells me soon after this video finished, her status as "loyal girlfriend" was about as believable as the Fast & Furious franchise stopping after the 47th movie.
Staring at wood paneling as her middle-aged leather cheerio permeates the air with the aroma of Newport Menthols and Skittles. That's the life we all strive for.
If her facial expressions look familiar to you, then you too have felt the sweet kiss of Red Lobster's endless shrimp platter. A feeling taken from us all too soon...
Solid 5/10? I can sympathize. East Euro impoverish-core decor? Understandable. What I'm throwing red flags on is her ability to look like she's being sodomized by an industrial fruit juicer every time he makes contact with her clitoris. #pass
She surprisingly lacked the standard amount of lip filler that could inflate the tire of a corn harvester, so the authenticity stood a chance. Then Dames Jean enters the room from out of nowhere and took this one from "believable" to "autistic".
What's his secret to success? It's simple really. Just inject 75 milligrams of Dbol directly into your scrotum every 3 days, and you too can gallivant around the neighborhood in seek of sub-500 TikToker's in dire need of a hospital visit.
If u've ever seen these handicap south american fuck marathons, u wonder wtf is the end game here? bc some of these participants are going to need a round the clock team of medical professionals to stitch some of those flaps back together.
Scroll to the 4:20 mark for the definitive highlight of this sacrilegious compilation of misguided deviants. I promise that your disappointment is nearly impossible.
Basically a public service announcement on the pros and cons of using Tinder in New Orleans. Some live to tell the tale. Others are in diapers at the age of 27. All have an abnormally intimate relationship with Newport cigarettes & turkey gravy.
Halfway into this you may say to yourself: I haven't come across so much reason to develop erectile dysfunction on purpose since going down the lore on [this social media creature]. It truly is an unfortunate day to have functioning eyes.
A few q's if you don't mind: What the fuck is this? Above average production value? Method acting? And most importantly, if I go through Comcast training, will I be able to fix this Internet faster than getting through to customer service?
This is [allicatcollared] and her hobbies include: Philosophical debates on racial inequities, [posting on reddit] and cosplaying as a northern Indiana shish kabob.
If the universe-switching eyerolls syncing up with every uppercut to her cervix wasn't proof enough, the Labor Day sale floral pattern fashion trends from Khols on her outfit should be that this is a super mom. Also, opiates are probably bad.
I wish this had dual pov. His reaction as he realizes that friction is deflating those pigskins in real time would be akin to my discovery of Buc-ee's brisket sandwich.
The shelf life on this niche can't be more than a year or two. "NoLube/PornForce/Broken Sluts" - All of these studios have one thing in common: Keep penetrating until the chromosome count is no longer in line with the national average. #ouch
A hearty "FUCK YOU" to whoever said portable meat satchels can't get you laid. This man's lust for affordable nutrition on-the-go just netted him enough tier-2 tuna casserole to earn a Martha Stewart seal of approval. #putthatontelevision
And by destroyed I obviously mean pleasantly surprised by an erection that didn't need to pass three different piss tests in order to make it past her cotton candy canoe. I've been told that's considered a delicacy in the gluten-free community.
I'm not even talking about the staged booze in her hand. I mean the necessity of being inebriated to go skin on skin with Trevor Phillips being much more potent than anything Budweiser could dream of cramming into a single serve bottle.
"FUCK ME LIKE THE GLOBAL ECONOMY" is a bold title, but understandable. Almost as bold as listing her name as "Funky Town". I suspect many newcomers have since Google'd there way off the Internet for a while since this went live.
Imagine spending weeks convincing your corner store Karen to accept the 2vs1 handicap match, only to sideline her with a cock that gets cease and desist letters from Nike. Just flip that thing over & hit it with a snowmobile again, you'll be aite.
Zero proof she twerks for nickles as a side hustle, but look at her; Malnourished, perma deer-in-headlights stare and "stripper" is in the title. I know the phenotype.
Imagine getting the Mike Tyson makeover cause you couldn't keep your yapper off a penis that's configured like a submarine telescope. Prioritize better ladies.
