I've never seen a video with Mia Malkova that made me question my erection, even when she's wearing her ass as a hat. But after edging myself through this scene...
Everybody is born with a gift. Clearly his is having the Optimus Prime of genitalia. Watch in utter amazement as nothing more than a single-handed choke hold transforms his Oscar Mayer into a portobello mushroom.
How/Why this female is stimulated enough to have an orgasm is beyond my knowledge. Her sexual partners include a ventriloquist dummy hung like Patrick Ewing and whatever 25,000 Dave n Buster coupons can buy.
I'll bet 30 Pesos & all 3 self-taped VHS copies of House Party 2 that she spent more time teaching her tits to twerk than studying for that GED. A moral decision that will most definitely pay off at the next ICP concert.
Mortimer's porn career was over before it began. It's really hard to masturbate to a bald/long black haired pale dude trying to hug and kiss a prostitute. He would be better off playing a villains lanky henchman in a horror movie.
A beautiful face can redeem just about anything - bad breath, small tits, crooked teeth, type 2 genital herpes. But THIS chick.... she's got a booty like Conan the Barbarian and I don't know whether to run or rim.
He watches his own daughter's porn films, but it's okay guys. The daughter sums it up best: "my daddy has a really big penis, and if he got turned on by my movies, I would know. Trust me". Excellent benchmark, m'lady.
Okay she's no Ellen Page, but what she lacks in fame & forehead, she makes up for in... well, actually nothing. This girl is literally fucking useless. She kills the scene at the 5.05 mark and I have zero idea why.
She's 6 months preggo and has an ass-2-waist ratio that'd make Kim Kardashian soil her Gucci g-string in jealousy. She's also in need of an orgasm. Badly. Skip to the .40 mark for sexual failure at it's finest.
and a beautiful face. and amazing tits. But how about the personality? Probably less depth than a gerbil's vagina. I like you, I'll pleasure myself to you, but the pedestal remains reserved for Veronica Mars.
Interesting surname. Was it chosen out of love for the search engine... or the busboy at the Panda Express where she clearly binge ate chicken chow mein tridaily? Scroll down, watch last video and you'll understand.
Kinda funny how she's griping about the instability of her implant. I'd be more concerned with the fact that even when it's correctly in place... it still looks like something out of an episode of Masters of Horror.
Apparently this is Bailey Jay, the Vita Don Teese of chicks w/ dicks. I'm not so sure. Some will look at this and see a beautiful shemale, all I see is that goofy fuck from Saving Silverman.
This is her 3rd anal tattoo. First 2 featured the names of her ex-lovers. Hey lady, men come and go. How about for this 3rd one you get something that won't be changing anytime soon - "stupid pug-faced whore".
There's a very thin line between making love and balls-deep cornholio slaughterage. Where that line lies, I do no know, but I can sure as fuck tell you this greasy Estonian sure as fuck crossed it.
Hey Christina. Here's a concept for your next big song. It's called "I Used To Be Hot But Now My Face Looks Bloated Like Newt Gingrich's Asshole & I Cant Stop My Vagina From Leaking V8 Splash". Straight from the soul.
They call her Cytherea. I prefer the moniker 1 Trick Pony. Her only claim to fame is her ability to urinate while impersonating Michael J. Fox, aka a 'squirting orgasm'. Shit's faker than Carlos Mencia's green card.
How to make your silly art shit 100x better: do headshots on the left and close-ups of the asshole on the right. That's what people really want. To match a face to a turd cutter. Not American Apparel ads.
This dude is the Gandalf of making women cum and today his knowledge is all open source. Just practice some of his teachings and I promise... your 'girlfriend' will never scream rape again.
You ever see Donnie Darko? Remember the bitchy older sister? Wanna see her get violated by a Chinaman suffering from small penis complex? Don't worry, I'll bring the popcorn.
McCain is 3 years over his life expectancy. He'll most likely die before even completing his first term. That would make Sarah Palin America's most supreme pussy.
Her face is busted and she has the hairline of 60 year old man, but her titties still appear to be perky. I'd fuck her and just pretend it was Christina Aguilera.
