Don't get fooled by the i live in a double wide and listen to Limp Bizkit on cassette tape starter kit. This burnt out Becky is a total stranger to the world of punching starfishes. Our part of the Internet refers to this as false motherfuckin advertising.
Going Hard in the Paint - It's the stepping stone to reliving your past life in the sorority house. Most women under the age of 40 have enough confidence in their rectal muscles to take the challenge. But this lady has a different approach...
Symptom #293 you need to end the all-turnip and MDMA diet: You develop the sex drive of a cinder block followed by a speech impediment that could end a marriage in Alabama. But rather than seek Dr. Phil's help, you do this instead.
Apparently Chumpo thinks the worst time on Earth to go limper than wet toilet paper is worth filming. Sorry pal, you can brag about teh dollar store sluts all you want: If you can't fuck 'em, your about as useful as Charlie Sheen at a blood drive.
The infamous one and only video of Megan Madsen. An over-privileged LAFS film student that for some reason decided to do a single porn flick 'for fun'... only to end up borderline autistic after an onslaught of climaxes.
This is called "caught lying on your resume". It happens when soybois try to larp their way into a fantasy that exiled them faster than a steakhouse. So they load up on gluten-free macchiatos and find themselves here. Hilarious.
5 pour souls that will never experience the sweet kiss of a double Baconator ever again. If you're the type of guy that can appreciate karma , this is the link for you. More of a humanitarian? Don't worry, I gotchu covered too.
Great face. Nice body. But what really got me on board was the complete lack of logic. Look closely. No brains, no thoughts. So cute you'd almost forget this happens when they get more than half a can into their mouths.
If all members of The Backstreet Boys took a collective shit in a bathtub.. this sex offender is what would rise up out of it. But the real tragedy here? His sexual performance is just almost as bad as his haircut. almost
Not the first vid I've seen with rubbers getting pushed to their limits, but it may be the most interesting. The average reaction is relationship-ending, MIDOL-needing fury. Her? She just lols her way to Planned Parenthood.
This ones special. Her face says i only date guys named Lemarcus and i lost my virginity to a vending machine. But from the neck down she has the body of a pornstar. A blind pornstar. From Guatamala. #marryme
Straight outta Tijuana and new to the pickpocket scene, this untrained shit stain stuck his hand on the wrong culo and paid for it big time. His punishment? Humiliation involving all 1.7 inches of his tator tot HAHA
Fueled by mental disability, these heavy-breathing fun seekers construct an excess amount (SEE: 1) of DIY love dolls. Imagine if you could get these things in a Chernobyl sweatshop - that's what they're mating with.
Ever watch Dumb and Dumber To? Me neither... but if they were to make a pornographic spinoff with Megan Fox, it might look something like this. Denied entry times: 12:20, 20:15 and Custer's last stand @ 23:30.
1st time D-sucker foolishly assumes her job is over and breathes a sigh of relief... only to be shot in the mouth with another wad of Esposito's gold reserve. A choice is needed: gulp or ruin Macy's finest Egyptian bed sheets.
S'n some D only has a few rules: Minimal teeth usage and keep the c-rings away from all other jewelry. Not a hard list but this backpage.com alumni decides to test fate anyway, resulting in an epic rage quit. GG NO RE
She's pushing 200lbs and thinks NASCAR is entertaining. How can life possibly get any worse? If you guessed "getting tag teamed by guys that have less respect for the female body than Bill Cosby" you're a winner.
Rodrigo, you dimwitted fuck. There are 2 things you simply don't mess with in life: #1. Seth Green during his menstrual cycle and #2. Women who willingly pierce their clitoris multiple times. You asked for this one brah.
Can't really blame her. Dude's bush looks like the top of Eddie Murphy's head circa de Beverly Hills Cop 1. If you had to go face-to-egg bag with a nut sac that requires a hairnet, you'd be squinting pretty fucking hard too.
Mortimer's porn career was over before it began. It's really hard to masturbate to a bald/long black haired pale dude trying to hug and kiss a prostitute. He would be better off playing a villains lanky henchman in a horror movie.
Faggy McPonytail over here hit a point in his life where his sweet hair and 2003 honda civic just aren't filling the void. So he puts his heart, his erection and his pride on the line for a chance at a happy ending with a middle aged masseuse.
She's trying to get off with one of those rubber cocks that have suction cups at the base. They're supposed to be good for hands-free fun but this broad's clam is so tight that the dildo wont stay put. Kinda hot.