This is a fucking trainwreck from start to finish. Between the day 1 windows movie maker editing catastrophe and the unwashed cornhole shucking from a guy that def. lost his virginity to an Amiibo, idk if I should laugh... or start laughing harder.
She seems nice. The type that'd cook you artisanal beefaroni on your 1st date, or volunteer a BJ when ur TikTok gets 0 likes. I want that. I rly do. But... not like this.
Everything about that statement is true, except the "oops" part. Something tells me 'ole carrot top here has sabotaged these sweatshop dick ponchos before...
Vids like these are hard to find without buying a season pass to Sea World first, so consider yourself lucky. Both for getting to watch it and for not having to be the one to explain the mysterious Newport-infused stains on mom's new comforter.
2 things you should definitely abandon before agreeing to shoot scenes with the reigning world champion of rectal desecration prn: Beef-a-roni, and self-respect.
Go ahead and scroll to the 1:56 mark. And fuck it, while you're there; Stay for 3:08. I can picture Burger King fighting White Castle to buy ad space between the two.
Forgot the 2004 fashion trend: All eyes on the human statue in the Atari shirt. I recommend enforcing a "must have a pulse to participate" requirement next time you want to document your 3-day weekend at the Gathering of the Juggalos.
Kind of an interesting combination here. You have to ask yourself: Did she agree to do this scene solely for the challenge of overcoming an 18-year-old already cursed with erectile dysfunction? Or is Aspergers now a fetish I'm unaware of?
Nice titties. Spunky attitude. But what really sold me was lack of both girth and length on her costar. Look closely - you can almost pinpoint the exact moment his miniature taquito roll ends her confidence in the male gender for all eternity.
Piping has few rules: 1) Look as little like Harvey Weinstein as possible 2) Stamina and 3) Keep an erection harder than a bowl of Campbell's tomato soup. Not a difficult list, but this Khokhol is challenging at least two items today. GG NO RE
Nothing peaks interest quite like alcohol-flavored women and their inability to stay fully clothed. So here's 30 of em. Specific interest should be given to girlie numero 3 who has miraculously made it through the night skidmark-free.
This is called "being in over your head". It happens when a Fortnite player realizes he can legally pay for hookers as long as he tells them it's for a porn shoot & films the entire thing. So he cashes in his v-bucks and raises all kinds of heck. #ninja
Going Hard in the Paint - It's the stepping stone to reliving your past life in the sorority house. Most women under the age of 40 have enough confidence in their rectal muscles to take the challenge. But this lady has a different approach...
Symptom #293 you need to end the all-turnip and MDMA diet: You develop the sex drive of a cinder block followed by a speech impediment that could end a marriage in Alabama. But rather than seek Dr. Phil's help, you do this instead.
Apparently Chumpo thinks the worst time on Earth to go limper than wet toilet paper is worth filming. Sorry pal, you can brag about teh dollar store sluts all you want: If you can't fuck 'em, your about as useful as Charlie Sheen at a blood drive.
I'm digging the pre-sodimizing acting. That's what porn is missing: A relatable leading actress that's been kicked out of Big Bang Theory's catering truck. Twice.
This is called "caught lying on your resume". It happens when soybois try to larp their way into a fantasy that exiled them faster than a steakhouse. So they load up on gluten-free macchiatos and find themselves here. Hilarious.
Anybody know her name? or if she's ever done any other videos? Preferably ones without the soundtrack to Schindler's List layered on top of it. thanks.
5 pour souls that will never experience the sweet kiss of a double Baconator ever again. If you're the type of guy that can appreciate karma , this is the link for you. More of a humanitarian? Don't worry, I gotchu covered too.
This one taught me two things: A) Breaking points are negotiable and B.) Any case studies of being on the spectrum and in porn can now be cancelled. Dorkalina's got us covered. [Full Scene: HERE]
Original plan was for Stewart to turn this triple decker into a 4way. Instead, he has an intimate moment with the Shitmaster 2000: Hyper Flush Edition.
Great face. Nice body. But what really got me on board was the complete lack of logic. Look closely. No brains, no thoughts. So cute you'd almost forget this happens when they get more than half a can into their mouths.
Nothing says 'bust my nut' like teeth broken off at the gum line. She's less than grateful for that flattery, but it's ok. Girls are hotter when they're mad.
If all members of The Backstreet Boys took a collective shit in a bathtub.. this sex offender is what would rise up out of it. But the real tragedy here? His sexual performance is just almost as bad as his haircut. almost
