This is standard im having a quarterlife crisis so I'm gonna filter the shit out of my face and make a TikTok account syndrome. Fortunately for us, the Internet gives the gift of social media to bridge the eventual gap into Walmart parking lot porn.
7 (read: seven, as in the number of times I've been kicked out of Burger King for "unnecessary use of a urinal") acts of public lewdness not even I suggest copying, especially that last one. Let's just say: Raging Waters will never be the same again.
I can't prove this was filmed in the heart of America's septic tank. But if it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and whores itself out to 17 live Instagram viewers it probably originated from The Garden State. A little wisdom from Grampa Efukt.
Another one of those "imagine if the roles were reversed!" moments that twists incel wieners into a ballpark pretzel on Reddit. Sponsored by Lululemon Athletics.
I can't imagine how many security deposits had to be forfeited before she learned not to film these things. I respect the adrenaline rush, but the only road this behavior leads to is paved with Plan B and a whole lot of fucking apologies.
I mean, blemishing a clean criminal record with multiple counts of exposing your barking walrus to complete strangers in public. The short answer? Yes. [original]
As fate would have it, not even a grim reaper of a pandemic can slow down a girls quest for Internet notoriety and Instagram followers. But as for the spectator in the last video? I think she just reinforced her sanitizing regime beyond Covid 19.
Not even the worst thing this creature of the night has done either. She's the "self-proclaimed filthiest slut in the Centennial State" but I'm not sure how many uppercuts to the fallopian tubes it took to earn that title. More of ALEIGHA HERE
I don't know what year Britney Spears was relevant, but judging by the world championship on CHUD #203's shoulder, I think everyone in this video does.
Take notes fellas; If girls aren't flocking to your Levi's like extra chromosomes to Shia LaBeouf, then you're doing it wrong. Neighbors, the elderly, second cousins - absolutely nobody is safe from the charm of this community service manager.
As fate would have it; You can enjoy yourself in a public bathroom without the help of a dollar menu and malt liquor. It's like I'm learning new things everyday.
3:10 for the moment of truth. Is dude being honest? Are those surgical gloves? Did I free throw one into the sink at Starbucks from the foul line because their one stall was closed off this morning? All these questions have the same answer.
I'll leave you with some wisdom my acquaintance at Taco Bell bestowed upon me: Never underestimate a woman's will to feed. She might have the phenotype of a Midwest soccer mom... but when the adrenaline hits, watch the fuck out.
Only one thing compliments the smooth stylings of a committed relationship; And that's getting more bang for your buck. As long as your GF's bestie circle does not go beyond the Walmart parking lot, ya dun gonna have good times.
Walmart? Subway? Econolodge? That's right, all of your most affordable forms of food and entertainment come at a hidden cost. Tip of the day: Stay away from any dipping sauces that have the word tangy in the name. Original video HERE
Call me boring, but "Long Term Relationship" and "Communal Girlfriend" aren't things that should be written on your anniversary party invitations. Then again I don't live in a part of the world that considers McNuggets a fine dining item.
She's pretty hot. So hot I'd consider parting with my first-edition Lindsay Lohan love doll just for a fighting chance at being lost inside that Japanese bush fire. Yes, I'm talking about the rare pre "i snorted Tide Pods before it was cool" version.
It's one thing to assume the position in public places. It's another to require an audience of full-bladder'd bar bros in the mother fucking men's bathroom just to keep your addiction going. Now somebody invite her to a women's march, STAT.
Right-swipe of the year takes a stroll down buttblast boulevard in an attempt to expand her reach on social media. Little weak TBH. I've seen assholes getting stretched wider than that in the comments under any given Logan Paul video.
She's drunk, high and/or from southern New Jersey. All of which appropriately explain why she's using her asshole as a greeting card. I have a strong feeling this day ended with at least one health insurance deductible being reached.
Never underestimate the benefits of a 3-star YELP hotel that recycles toilet paper. You may leave with a more diseased crotch than all 97-years of Madonna's world tours combined... but the stories you'll be able to tell will be legendary. #facts
