Like my reaction after hearing Oprah Winfrey wants to run for president in 2024, you can literally see fear in her eyes. Emphasis on the :24 sec mark with the introduction of a move I can only refer to as The Turkish Can Opener.
This is called Taking a Swedish Bike Ride. It happens when those dudes with above-average girth fail lubrication preparation. So they pump harder... til a breaking point hits. Somewhere between the 3rd & 4th second degree burn.
This condition is known as 'high maintenance'. It happens when dad stops loving you before ur 1st year of college, so you seek the refuge of sigma males that don't know the difference between ur sphincter and a Rocky Balboa training montage.
Like making it past the 7 min mark of the new Matrix movie, Sandra realizes a mistake has been made and there's no refunds. Now stitch that mud box up and get back in the game, BonERGuy67_IDAHO just dropped $5.00 worth of tokens.
From this angle it appears she's fucking an eggplant. But upon closer inspection you'll realize that's non-other than the shitter fritter himself: Woodman. aka The Machine. aka the man who lived through more STDs than all the 1970s combined.
Kinda like the Jigsaw franchise, this went from slightly intriguing to 'it's time to stop' pretty damn quick. Tipping point involves a cherry-popper story told in the most soothing voice I've heard since Bob Ross. 10/10, would bust nut again.
Not exactly building an impressive resume when 2 1/2 inches of Alabama's finest sends you running for the Neosporin. This might interfere with her five year plan.
Beyond 19-years-old and doesn't know proper rectal entry positions. But what she lacks in anatomy, she makes up for in... well... nothing. The future spinal ruptures tell me we won't be seeing the sequel to "Karens Krapper: Volume 1.5" this year.
What are the last 3 words you want to hear after getting naked in front of your crush? If you answered "is that helman's?"; you're wrong. But points will be added.
Short list of things I value in life: Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care and dedicated females like this one in particular. Tack on the fact that she can handle more wang than a Chinese phone book and we may be talking literal perfection here.
Another entry for the museum of unintentional rectal breaching. 3.5 mins of backdoor bruising that white people should only experience inside the CHAZ zone. Only diff is the people in this vid actually put meat inside their bodies lol.
Her dirt tulip is at maximum pucker, and smaller than the cock of an Eskimo in February - so what the fuck was she thinking? And more importantly, where is the apology video of him trying to justify this in front of a 240p TikTok green screen?
The sequel in one website's crusade to help the world with an unspoken problem. The Machine is back, and this time; no cornhole will be spared. 1st VIDEO HERE
Most definitely not the first time this hypebeast has staged an attack on Cornhusk Island, and clearly it's not the last. Feel free to experiment next time man - maybe deposit a Twinkie before going dark? It's called The Moist Gremlin. I invented it.
Some of these clips are pretty dated. Others aren't. But all are certain to increase blood pressure to your bearded war hammer in a timely fashion. I guarantee it.
If there's a line to be crossed, you can damn well guarantee a middle-aged white dude that collects empty barbecue sauce bottles to be the one stepping over it. ib4 the gofundme for her asshole gets removed for violating terms of service.
Rebecca's first time in Stinktown USA proves memorable. For the guy trying to double-dip, not her. Binging Dr. Phil episodes is going to erase this memory faster than me getting permabanned from Home Depot for stress testing toilet displays.
Urkel single-handled sets up his Occupy Snowbunny movement in grade A trailer park tushy and she's spazzing out like an epileptic at a rave - How can things get better? They can't. But the vulcan cock grip she pulls off at 2:31 is a great start...
Only the Gen-1 Inhumanity fan will recognize this one. correction: the permanent scar tissue damage inside their beanbag will remember it. Take me back to 2007.
Contrary to appearance, churning the cornhole cavern won't result in receiving a large order of spicy chicken nuggets. Proving yet again that you shouldn't believe stereotypes. It just leads to disappointment. And the faint aroma of burned metal.
hmm I bet she hasn't felt this kind of satisfaction since going lvl 99 Karen at the McDonald's drive-thru and actually getting that 2nd dipping sauce on the house.
Symptom #39 that you've graduated from tastless MILF meat, to fully fledged bum ranger: You find yourself with 15 minutes between PTA meetings, and instead of preparing for it, you roll the dice and smash sum butt hash instead.
This entire glorious scene is one beautiful train wreck and I can't fucking wait to hear a epic drum and bass remix of this. :) Full Scene (Mandy): HERE. [Remix #1]
This ones starts off as a painal video. But much like me during a theatrical release that stars Nicholas Cage, that only lasts about 18 seconds. From there on it's all pleasure. And by pleasure I mean screaming for olive oil-based lubricants.
After bulldozing through Detroit's prosti population, our man broke unfamiliar ground: A woman in it for the BBC, not crackrock. And a sensitive one at that. That butthole took more abuse than a Volkswagen beetle during a soccer riot.
With a name like iBarbie you'd think she'd have more beta boyfriend. But as you can clearly see by her expressions from 1:31 - 6:30, her emotions are no more negotiable than the super size option at McDonald's. Same salt levels apply too.
