Not since paying backpage.com's finest in pennies have you seen a sexual arrangement become such a challenge. A hooker with a 'no tits no blowjob' policy? Congratulations on being more useless than a chocolate teapot.
Don't let the cute face & lack of Valtrex in this video fool you: Even the hot ones make mistakes in the eternal quest for 11 seconds of Instagram fame.
I've seen this configuration before: Cute Whole Foods cashier above the waist, John Deer lawn aerator below it. I'd contact my local feminist chapter for false advertising, but I've already filled my tube sock & it's time for bed.
Fart assaults, bitch slappings, clit sniping - I thought I've seen it all when it comes to Internet prostitution. And once again, I was dead fucking wrong.
A coworker at Little Caesars once told me she used the side of a Redbull can to pleasure herself. She said the feeling of her deep-dish pizza bowl being grinded made her cum instantaneously. Is that what's going on here?
Not since the days of blindly acquiring porn ala 5600 baud Limewire have I come across a female with such seminal fortitude. She's got standards brah. Know who doesn't have standards? THIS WIND TUNNEL. #sendhelp
Are you seeing that body language? I know that body language. Roughly translated it means: if you pull out again, I'll park my Kia Soul in your asshole next time you fall asleep. Go ahead, ask me. Ask me how I know.
Not since walking into a waffle house at 2 AM have I seen such disrespect for the lower half of a brown female. And just like the riot that ended that night, he has no intent of letting $39 worth of plastic surgery go to waste.
Self-proclaimed Fap Ninja adds another accolade to her resume, in the form of Nicholas Cage's School of Acting graduate. An unfortunately accurate title you'll agree with when you question your purpose in life around 18:00.
Degenerate hoebag works feverishly to get sexually assaulted by a guy with more V's in his name than a Russian dictionary... and doesn't come close to succeeding. Enjoy your 0-star YELP review Victor Vahdeem Vyachvyeslahv!
Can't imagine how many E.R. vists had to be falsified before she found the sweet spot. I respect the exploration, but the only road this fetish ultimately leads to is Dennis Rodman and strategically placed cream cheese.
Becky shats herself upon realizing her next FB Live appearance won't be a pretty one. I haven't seen such an intense look of confusion and despair since that time I got caught beta testing display toilets at Home Depot.
HIM: Dressed like a level 65 COD Lieutenant
HER: Dressed like Corey Feldman during an audition
Some love stories just aren't written with happy endings.
A hygiene level commonly found in an Arby's handicap toilet has applied itself to this girl's rectal passage. Not shocking... but Clorox may have found it's new spokeswoman. Another desperate cry for anal bleaching HERE
Take notes ladies. If your class isn't flocking to extra credit assignments like political correctness to H&M, then you're doing it wrong. Honor rollers, detention scholars - nobody is safe from the charm of this dump truck.
Charli Maverick. aka a rookie with the kind of booty-o's you'd crawl through broken glass to be farted on by. She shot like 10 scenes, than hauled that mountain of ass right back to the trailer park she crawled out of. #missyou
Josefina cut corners trying to emulate her hero. Turns out the $25 special at an Islamic plastic surgeon isn't the high ticket item originally thought. Now she's gotta live the rest of her life looking like Tim Burton's asshole LOL
Sorry hungry pedestrians living below the poverty line. Her sexual desires > your iced coolatta. Could someone please email me the news story when she gets caught pissing into the cappuccino machine? I'd appreciate it.
This one taught me two things: A) Breaking points are negotiable and B.) Any case studies of being on the spectrum and in porn can now be cancelled. Dorkalina's got us covered. [Full Scene: HERE]
This is Mariah Leonne. She's already been on here a few times doing the exact same shit... but this circus act is more dangerous than the others. 2 words lady: SUPER AIDS. Start vetting the guys, or get the GoFundMe ready.
Amateur porn that looks professional, professional porn that looks amateur, anal opportunists and expert magicians... we've seen it all man. The only thing left to complete this circle is unadulterated misogyny. oh wait...
This guy has a unique style. It's 1 part Tom Savini, 17 parts Jeffrey Dahmer. If any of you are the betting type, I've got the entire 3rd season of The Martin Lawrence show on VHS that says those snatch flies @ 0:16 mark are legit.
