If we could go ahead and get an ID on her, that would be fantastic. Try to time it around the Black Friday sales on 10-packs of tube socks if possible. Appreciate it.
Unfortunately shes probably only sexually attracted to guys hung like a snap peas & softer than dudes selling lattes at a feminist rally. Eight Words: The Complete Manual of Suicide by Wataru Tsurumi. Buy 2 copies to fully understand my genius.
Remember when people were saying it was just an innocent, fun-loving app that would never ever feature pornographic material on it? Now it's just a billboard for Becky Stankapuss to advertise her OnlyFans accounts lul. #smellslikepornhub
Round 2 for the most depraved, fatherless, not afraid of having their tuna bowl fantasy exposed on social media, clout-chasers on the Internet today. Real deal independent women. The kind that pay for their birth control with Onlyfans subs.
Imagine having a tidal wave inside your nut sac. You'd kinda be like an airbender, except your fan base wouldn't need to be told to shower more than twice a week.
Only the Gen-1 Inhumanity fan will recognize this one. correction: the permanent scar tissue damage inside their beanbag will remember it. Take me back to 2007.
Tired of jacking off to the same old fantasies of Cardi B in a bath tub full of Velveeta cheese and want the next best thing? How about the bi-product of a 50,000-Karma Reddit account? I'm talking fatal levels of simp neckbearding here.
Ever seen a girl question the elasticity of her vagina, and her future as a NASA engineer at the same time? Fantastic. Now we have two things in common.
Her name is "Alisonfire" but I prefer the moniker "reason I have to buy 2-ply toilet paper in bulk". Fun Fact #1: She's famous for making the world wait half a decade for wiener-on-vag action. Fun Fact #2: 173,000 of her Pornhub views are from me.
Girls in the midwest: theyre usually as exciting an audio book of Al Gore erotic fan fiction. But throw in an exciting subplot & it becomes TOLERABLE FAPPERINOS.
Wanna make ur shitty demo reels better? Feature the organic instrumentals only a Greenbay Packers fan can truly appreciate. Thats the way to the Internets heart.
Mia Khalifa has been called a lot of things: Infamous, Disgraceful, Roblox Tit Jobber... but I prefer the term visionary. aka originator of the nerdgasm.
Hey, no one said you had to like it Becky. Just sit back, keep a firm grip on those kneecaps and think about all the McChickens you'll be able to buy as soon as you're done. That's what gets me to the end of my weekdays.
This is called "caught lying on your resume". It happens when soybois try to larp their way into a fantasy that exiled them faster than a steakhouse. So they load up on gluten-free macchiatos and find themselves here. Hilarious.
Tired of beating off to the same old ASMR fantasy videos, and want the next best thing? How about a sexually-inept Nigerian that looks more helpless than DJ Khaled in front of 5,000 vegetarians? you played yaself.
Listen. I've seen some pretty loathsome shit in my day: Tijuana donkey porn, suggestive photographs of Mickey Rourke, all the Fantastic Four films. But THIS? This shit made me gag like a Hindu trapped inside Arby's. #IQUIT
Freshly szechuan'd Rick and Morty fans get the 3 Stooges treatment after discovering chaturbate.com. The smell of digital prostitution will eventually fade... but video of you juggling another man's donut glaze is f-o-r-e-v-e-r.
