Middle-age hit her like a sack of 80's exercise videos, and she needs cash. Bad. How can life get worse? Well, if you guessed being told to suck dick by the Dane Cook of porn directors, you just won my limited edition Power Ranger sex doll.
Meet your new unreachable standard. Probably seen more transferable disease than a California protest crowd, yet she's still able to erect a nation of erections without trying. Don't be fooled by his lack of intensity - this is A+ tier flib flab.
The first girl may have very well ended erectile dysfunction as we know it with nothing more than eye contact. The second one instantly brought the epidemic back in full force. That's some sweet 50/50 booking, BROTHER. [original here]
That would be the one & only Hannah Hays. A girl that has managed to perfectly blend the words "fun fuck" with "3 generations of inbreeding". More of her HERE.
Some guy that considers dollar store tattoos an art form bangs the shame out of the last girl that should be on his ding donger. After the 15th time he says "look at the camera, it begins to feel more like Crazyshit video than a Pornhub video.
Olive Garden's hostess of the month unequivocally accepts defeat and calls an audible after a meager 4 mins on Labron's pocket mongoose. In other words: the end result of seeking vaginal salvation on blacksingles.com. Becky was warned.
And that's about 30 more than the average heterosexual male will need to reach peak yogurt arch. If there was a hall of fame for "Reasons I Have to use a Magic Eraser on my Ceiling" this would be on top. Directly underneath this clown show.
Today we're going to learn 3 imporant things, so find your trapper keeper and listen closely: #1: Shamelessness is alive and well. #2: Usage of a pretty girl is negotiable. And #3: A guy shaped like GRU has seen more action than me today.
Only 1 thing compliments the feel of a holiday weekend - And that's getting more rash on your crotch from a guy you salad-tossed in the toilet of a Portuguese farmhouse. Note to those inbreds in the last clip: Just end the bloodline here.
Never underestimate the benefits of a 3-star YELP hotel that recycles toilet paper. You may leave with a more diseased crotch than all 97-years of Madonna's world tours combined... but the stories you'll be able to tell will be legendary. #facts
Some women need size to get off. Others, a $12.00 shopping spree at Moe's Tex Mex Grill. Then there's Kenzie Reeves who needs no more than half a mini vienna sausage to send her convulsing back to the baby Gap her wardrobe is from.
To say she's "in over her head this time" would be a bit of an understatement. Becky can't even get horizontal for more than 18 seconds before homeboy has her clitoris begging for mercy like me halfway into Venom last night.
That's it. As far as I'm concerned the line between memes and real life officially doesn't exist anymore. Bring on the moth gangbangs and bowsette ejaculations.
Not since the Olsen twin eating disorders have I seen such misuse of a white girl. The niche for being beaten unconscious is a limited one, but you better fucking believe it's gatekeeped by Odette Delacroix. More abnormal erections HERE
This girl's affinity for i licked my brother's taint porn is off the charts. She's been in more lead roles of bullshit refuse to jack off to than Jason Statham. Most likely a symptom of having a BF that fits in her finest Walmart lingerie.
When you're moist enough to be lubed under water, and have more lung capacity than a Navy Seal - you should be recognized for your natural born gifts. Call Emma Stone & tell there's been a recount for that Oscar Award.
