"I'll tell ya one thing about my personal life that I've never told before. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos. And I think that ought to count. I think that ought to go in your record as a positive achievement." - George Carlin
Only the real ones will remember when this cockamanie goof getting sent to Fuck Town USA was pretty much the most watched porn video in the world. It didn't matter what site you dedicated your cum sock to, it was there. For eternity.
Protip for my ever-evolving female viewer base: If you ever find yourself in this situation, make sure you order the blooming onion first. Outback servers tend to frown upon this kind of behavior out of the gate. Don't ask me how I know.
If you're into the kind of erotica that reminds you of the black market for hackey sacks and burned Blink 182 CD's, you should probably throw them a few bucks.
I'll admit that last clip might be enough to ruin your holiday feast later today. But it's Thanksgiving and you probably need something to talk to grandma about before the sweet potatoes hit the table. You should be thanking me, Mortimer.
Just remembering when Gabbie Carter was the Internet's most wanted. Now, the amount of early aging porn causes has come into question again. [2019] [2021 ] inb4 we witness a union that classifies rectal trauma as a benefits package?
It seems a 2-pack of Bud Light turns you into the Gandolf of parking lot pussy pickups... and today his teachings are all free of charge. Practice what you see here and I promise those, size-11 Tinder girls will never "LMAO" at you again.
Look, I understand setting realistic expectations for yourself in life... but maybe we can try to do better than communal ashtray next time? I believe in you.
Not exactly the most unexpected chain of events from a woman that comes less prepared for war than whoevers handicap stall I invaded at Waffle House last week. Sorry Wheels, but the janitor bucket doesn't meet my capacity standard.
TikTok Porn: These zero effort chicks are about as exciting as an audio book of Alex Jones customizing a footlong at Subway. But throw in a few paywall'd parasocial relationships and suddenly they become a legends in the making.
Not sure a gap between your eyes wide enough for New York City to charge to park inside of, is on my list of "boner material". But uhh... I'm open to new things.
uhh I'm no expert, but I think it might be time to pack it up and find a safer hobby. Like... collecting Pokemon cards, or maybe building hydrogen bombs for example.
Unfortunately I can't confirm it's authenticity. But it wouldn't be the first time someone filmed their significant other giving the ole dunkachino to a minimum wage stranger, and if 2022 has taught me anything - it will not be the last.
Dude is hung like an Idaho potato, and she's got the kind of crazy eyes that would send Steve Buscemi running. Normally this kind of inbreeding would be kept behind closed doors until a Twitter hashtag is created for it... yet here we are.
Short of being an extra on Rocco's Retirement Village Tour (coming 2035) - I'm not sure how this talent comes in handy. Never knowing the feels of a consensual relationship maybe? An existence without having to shop for birthday gifts?
An understandable request... until you hit the 2:50 mark and realize something has gone terribly wrong. I'd be a little less concerned about cornholing, and more worried about whatever safari animal got ahold of that thing before her.
There's no shortage of people that consider teaching their penis the macarena a societal norm. Probably not for beginners. Chances are you'll misjudge one 360 no-scope & catch a local in the crossfire. Also known as "The Ben Roethlisberger"
That Becky-lynn Dakota Monroe in the first video sure has an interesting way of servicing her community. While everyone reserves their public reamings for the Best Buy customer service line; she decided to start her charity work at home.
Seeing a condom in one of these random hookup videos is actually becoming a rare occurrence. Both Mountain Dew and Plan B thank you for your contributions.
