Rarely do I say this... but she is a single crotch hair away from a Dunkin Donuts breakfast taco on my dime. Let the simp sleuth searching of her identity begin.
What's that old saying? If a technique was used to kill a person in a horror movie, some degenerate from Fuckstick Akansas is practicing it in the back of his third cousin's double wide? Because I'm pretty sure that's what were all seeing here.
I thought this was your everyday girl for a second, but it's none other than Alexis Crystal practically being fucked into early retirement. More brain damage [HERE]
uhh forget the permeating aroma of sardines now trapped in mom's throw rug forever for a second; is that a mother fuckin Panasonic Gamecube behind her?
This is why u always round up your CVS bill to the next dollar. In the words of the world's greatest philosopher: “Whatever it takes to save the earth, 'cause granola girls, gets 'em all moist. Homeless girls too. They'll do anything for shelter." - CB
Taps out after 40 seconds of anal and can't take a cumshot without coughing up this morning's corn pops? Afraid that puts u on my no-fap blacklist. Somewhere between Joe Rogans podcast & the final episode of The Golden Girls. #standards
She's been here before, but the content train keeps chugging along. I particularly enjoy her 'less fucks to give than a dark souls speedrunner' attitude. If comps aren't your thing, you can scoop her individual sex tapes here: [-1-] [-2-] [-3-]
ex·per·i·menting:
· to try out new concepts or ways of doing things
· performing a scientific procedure, to determine something
· to let your parents find out what those clam baking classes were for
The e-thots of yesteryear did everything imaginable for nothing more than access to a bottomless keg. Twitter didn't exist, OnlyFans wasn't a thought; It was just a campus full of 18-year-olds on the hunt for their next case of rabid vaginitis.
If only Marvel put as much effort into a post-End Game movie, as this group did into exploring the midlife crisis of a fictitious soccer mom. Just trap Ant Man in Woodman's ass and film the escape for 2 hours. #stillbetterthanQuantumania
It looks like someone trying to parallel park a Baskin Robbins truck in New York City. Which is ironic cause squinting from this angle reveals some sort of inbred squidward ice cream bar. Think about that before tagging in your tube sock.
Basic maths tell me this situation is about as probable as Kanye West being properly medicated during business hours, but I do find her fake full body dry-heaving and dedication to the vibe kind of compelling. Thoughts? Requests?
Seems like a nice girl. The type that'd throw herself off a building if you missed a text, or cheat on you if your Instagram post got zero likes. But her enthusiasm? I've seen happier faces cleaning the handicap toilets at Renaissance Fairs. Pass.
Wait, could this be a genuine proposition? Maybe. But what you should really be asking is: If Jennifer Lawrence was to crowbar her whisker biscuit, would the walls be comparable to the consistency of pulling apart a peanut butter sandwich?
Oh it's her again. I'm not actually sure what category this library of hers belongs in, but somewhere in between "Hogwarts Erotica" and "Menopause" feels right.
Imagine hitching a ride on a South American city bus and being considered more of a biohazard than the two inches of piss you're currently standing in (barefoot).
Take Sarah Palin, crossbreed her with a cum-phobic gerbil and this would be the result. Sweet mother of fucking cringe, I haven't seen someone this far out of their comfort zone since Burger King released their ultimate breakfast platter.
The left side of the thumbnail may be something you never experience for the rest of you life. The right side can't be avoided if you've ever taken a $20.00 bill to Shake Shack. This is a masterful piece of art I like to call: The Duality of Man.
In a society where your social status is measured by how many inches of BBC have ruptured your small intestine, you have to assume this Cathy is hovering somewhere in between girl-next-door and cashier at Super Walmart. Any takers?
Much like the Fast and Furious movie franchise, this went from mildly amusing to, "it's time to stop" pretty daggon quickly. The tipping point involves an ass-to-ass audible plan B teeth-biter after failing to fly his dick ship to the orbit of Heranus.
