When you're moist enough to be lubed under water, and have more lung capacity than a Navy Seal - you should be recognized for your natural born gifts. Call Emma Stone & tell there's been a recount for that Oscar Award.
Swinging: A behavior generally reserved for degenerate adults that need something to do in between collecting food stamps and using Redbox. The girl are always a mess. Proof: Skeletor's deflated balloon knot @ 8:11 mark.
When all your knowledge of sexual intercourse comes from Shake Weight infomercials, this is the result. Also: We may have just uncovered a skill so damn useless, even California colleges won't offer a degree for it.
Cute Girls + Public Exploration: It's a combo 2nd only to Souplantation and Charmin Ultra Soft. Add the rush of getting caught busting one out next to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and you got wife material my friend.
Kinda pointless to be hung like the exhaust pipe of a Lincoln Continental if u can't keep it submerged in teen cervix longer than a hot dog commercial.
Sadie Pop You can go ahead and just consider this neurotic little twat the Meryl Streep of fake incest porn. She method acts, has a room temperature IQ and is just hoping to get the next Academy Award for muffin stuffin.
Schizoid games a Tinder.com soft-6 with an afternoon of bumper cars and Red Lobster... only to slip a couple of Oxycontin in her Admiral's Feast. The end result? 100% unadulterated, unfiltered autism around the 9:30 mark.
The downside of adopting an all-kale diet? Every uterus in a 500 mile radius is using your ass to springboard her next Instagram post to buzzfeed's front page. And don't even get me started on the leaking bowel syndrome...
This is called "caught lying on your resume". It happens when soybois try to larp their way into a fantasy that exiled them faster than a steakhouse. So they load up on gluten-free macchiatos and find themselves here. Hilarious.
Tired of beating off to the same old ASMR fantasy videos, and want the next best thing? How about a sexually-inept Nigerian that looks more helpless than DJ Khaled in front of 5,000 vegetarians? you played yaself.
Seems pretty predictable to me. Shes got the tolerance of 1-ply toilet paper, and he's hung like a walrus tusk. Anxiety (and swelling) should be expected.
I was spaghetti soft until the camera panned 12 inches south. Fucking hell, this chick is 1 injection of anesthesia away from experimental cornhole surgery & she's rippin one out like the lifeboats were deployed. I'm in love?
This is bad. More bad than the time I emptied $27 worth of Wendy's value meals into the plastic case of Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project for NES and slipped it in a Blockbuster drop-box. Wait no, that was priceless.
This is Carolina Sweets. She's a gAmErGuRl. AKA "porn streamer without the porn". Or as I prefer: "cute face and bitchy attitude without body odor reminiscent of Regal popcorn butter". POGGERS IN CHAT ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ
LIFE LESSON #237: If someone uses the word negotiable in their Craigslist ad - move the fuck on to the next one or prepare to doomsday prep on Valtrex & Clorox bleach. Discounts are temporary. War-torn genitals arent.
Another incident where some introductory pornstar is left with a smoking O-ring because she failed to follow the #1 rule of dancing the B-hole Boogaloo: "Grease Keeps the Peace" member that, & you'll always be 'aight.
5 pour souls that will never experience the sweet kiss of a double Baconator ever again. If you're the type of guy that can appreciate karma , this is the link for you. More of a humanitarian? Don't worry, I gotchu covered too.
