Had a fully torqued meat wrench going until I panned on down to #16. Looks like someone crossbred Aubrey Plaza with a chimpanzee then shit her out of Sarah Silverman. In other words: I only ejaculated twice.
Maybe 'denied' is the wrong word, as it implies this shit faced Casanova was actually going to make contact before Deputy Dickbag appeared. It wasn't happening. Trust me. I've been to Burger King on a Friday night.
Cornholing: It's the make-or-break moment in a girl's relationship. There's always fear, but with optimism like "relax", and "you thinking bout it 2 much" our homeboy Octavious turns out to be the Bob Ross of mud gloving.
Some wisdom I picked up during my 6 hour stakeout of a bathroom at a monster truck rally: You get what you pay for. And by the looks of these leather handbags, I'd say this bitch used Groupon at the time of service LOL.
Confirmation #92 that you're a fully fledged slutaroonie: The douchebag quartet (pic #5) whip their cocks out in the corner of a bar, and rather than go Kung Fu Panda on them, you snap photos for Instagram. #NOFILTER
Luisa wrapped her bichano around the wrong chalupa, and now she's gonna pay. I haven't seen justice served so epicly since the time I took a shit in the Blockbuster video return slot. $1 rewind fee on a DVD my black ass.
I wish Mr. White Shirt was a returning character in all casual sex videos. He's about as good at flirting as I am at convincing fat girls on TINDER that my semen tastes like Ben & Jerry's cake batter. Simply put: phenomenal.
Sorry ladies. His sworn duty to uphold the integrity of Scuttlebutt's Twat Tavern > your breadbox munchies. TBH it's refreshing to know that women too can be cockblocked. It's all about equality on Inhumanity.com
She's been gifted the oral capacity of a Meghan Trainor fan, yet keeps her chin count to a solid '1'. Perks: a.) balls-deep is standard b.) forgo any and all application approval for anything, ever c.) all the above. PROFILE.
Today we follow a pre-menopausal momma in her quest to cross interracial waters. But if you expect to see wreckage, click elsewhere. When she finally meets her chocolate destiny things don't really measure up, haha.
Meet deum0s. She has a look that could score mucho dollerinos in the corporate side of Instagram but she passed on that to persue the better things in life... like getting fucked to the soundtrack of Saw II. NAWICE.
Speculation time: Rent due? Lost a bet? We may never know how many trips to the ATM it took for this Crisco ambassador to game a solid 7, but one thing is certain: His constant apologizing isn't softening the blow LOL.
Let's hope dude is better at guarding the food court than he is at laying pipe. Because after 38 seconds of vaginal contact, the show is over. No embarrassment, no questions. Just 1 federali multitasking like the boss.
Porn Parodies: The sure sign of making it in the entertainment industry. Most celebrities have to wait until their 2nd act of public intoxication to get one, but odds are they didn't get brain kicked back to reality.
Becky tries to single-handledly start her own stripper lives matter movement... by assisting her colleague's spontaneous skull fucking and not giving 1 shit about it.
Can't imagine this guy's life. Is it still considered 'gay' if the Alabama corn-holer you're sucking is your own? Here's to hoping the solution to that question is still on Stephen Hawking's bucket list. Time's ticking my friend.
This girl is a total audiophile. Bang her at just the right angle and you'll be rewarded with sounds you'd normally hear in a public bathroom during the Puerto Rican Day parade. Let the greasing of your chorizo grande begin.
She literally can't go 7 consecutive seconds without having to stop and scrunch her face like Michael Cera being bent over by an NFL linebacker. It's a condition. Us folks in the pronographic community call it cuntitis.
Age of Ultron left us with 1 question: Where the fuck is Hulk? Well my almost-totally desensitized friends: We found him. Thus ending a year-long debate that he'll be in Infinity Wars. Another score for Wonder Woman fans.
Guess he figured once the sound of MFC pocket change was heard, his cock would transform from Twizzler to the sword of Excalibur. TIP: It doesn't. And his hefty honey abandons ship faster than a gym elliptical lvl 1.
