Who the fuck did evolution have in mind when it gifted this vagrant the dimensions of a pool cue? I don't know, but it probably needs more than 3-pack of Colt 45 and beagle ears for tits to take him on @ full power.
Don't let the lack of sunlight and all-Hot Pocket diet fool you: He's a vagina assassin. We all have a calling in life, and after fucking the basic math skills out of this professional, Stewart knows what his is. FULL SCENE
Admittedly this is all pretty standard 'i drank two whole Coronas on spring break and jerked off your dog in the basement' syndrome... but girl in pic #11 is asking for trouble. Like, losing your bottle deposit kinda trouble.
Apparently the whole 'beating my clit purple to the Lion King soundtrack' thing got played out. Now when she wants to gets more coin out of guys named Durwood, she whips the clam out next to family members. #SMRT
I'm all for pushing the limits. But when you need two tickets to fly coach cause you're packing more weight than Tyrion Lannister under your nipples, we officially have a fucking problem. #4 I'm looking in your direction.
Narcissistic dick toaster skips the small talk and goes right for the krusty burger - a secret menu item our hero victim never ordered. SPOILER: She gets rejected faster than transgender feminist in a Texas bathroom.
He was promised an all-you-can-eat buffet, he got cut off at the appetizer instead. Lesson learned: Always check the refund policy before dining in foreign places.
He bum rushes, she leaps away: a move this pro saw comin. He returns fire with a full-body thrust & hits the bottom of her gas tank. Reality sets in at 2:38 when she realizes she won the battle, but lost the war HAHA
Some will click this and see a beautiful human being. Others will bathe their routers in bleach and set a hard drive on fire. But me? All I see is the only movie star that can give herself 3 thumbs up. Call me Mr. Positive.
Spend $99 on camera equipment and suddenly you're the new face of humiliation porn. Do I believe this is real? No. Would I promise her my mini freezer full of Gorton's fishsticks to make a sequel? It's a solid maybe.
Today's Lesson: Halloween is not limited to 1 day on the calender, "Freddy Bangs White Girl" is more cannon than the last 4 movies combined, and watching a burn victim lay teh pipe is strangely erotic. Quiz tomorrow.
FACT: Men prefer a petite Hispanic with an anus full of fabric softener in their EconoLodge fantasies. Meet the exception: shes 30+, has tits like Deebo has lazy eyes and her policy on race-relation is top notch. More here
Shit lady, as much as I loved your stunt double work in Hatchet, I could've lived without seeing you contract a case of vaginitis. Damn near inverted my piss weasel.
See that last look on Becky's face? It's the "aw fuck, i shouldn't have skipped my shift at Baskin Robbins for this" look. lol, no shit girl. 1) Mocha Blasts are delicious. 2) your dumbass wouldn't be front page WSHH material.
This is all but guaranteed to eradicate any story you may have been led to believe about the orifice less traveled. Don't be misled by this man's apathy: Your love of hunting the backyard snapper dies here & now.
She's not exactly equipped with the rectal capacity of Richard Simmons, but the real deal breaker is bitching in broken English. Very reminiscent of a reoccurring dream I keep having involving Sofia Vergara and a billy goat.
This DiCaprio-level actress isn't much for words, but her plight is pretty clear. Likely couldn't cut it as a Starbuck's barista and is now left making 'porn' that only appeals to guys that jack off to WWE. You'll fap.
Maybe 'denied' is the wrong word, as it implies this shit faced Casanova was actually going to make contact before Deputy Dickbag appeared. It wasn't happening. Trust me. I've been to Burger King on a Friday night.
Cornholing: It's the make-or-break moment in a girl's relationship. There's always fear, but with optimism like "relax", and "you thinking bout it 2 much" our homeboy Octavious turns out to be the Bob Ross of mud gloving.
Some wisdom I picked up during my 6 hour stakeout of a bathroom at a monster truck rally: You get what you pay for. And by the looks of these leather handbags, I'd say this bitch used Groupon at the time of service LOL.
