S'n some D only has a few rules: Minimal teeth usage and keep the c-rings away from all other jewelry. Not a hard list but this backpage.com alumni decides to test fate anyway, resulting in an epic rage quit. GG NO RE
Everybody is born with a gift. Unfortunately theirs is about as useful as Bruce Jenner's vagina. Sure, they can trace the history of the gluteus maximus via one touch, but will that really help greet us at Walmart?
Not since the time I used Canadian nickles on a stripper named Twin Peaks have I seen such disrespect for fat tits. But unlike my ban from The Bush Co. - these BBW whisperers have zero intent of letting this poor soul go.
Being held hostage by a post-op a-hole? Sounds like his birthday came early. That is, until he realizes this culo hits like Mike Tyson on payday. The aroma of quepapas may fade, but the complimentary rhinoplasty is forever.
Nothing gets clicks quite like scenes of unsuspected sauce tossing. So here's 45 minutes of them. You read that right: FORTY FIVE - as in the number of erections I get during one episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
I like how he keeps his hands above her waist, so as to not make contact with her genitals. Cuz a fingerbang would be over the line, whereas gagging on last week's dodger dog in front of 78 people is just a-oh-fucking-k.
Stripping: aka the quintessential stepping stone to full blown porno. Most trailer park residents cross over ASAP - but chances are they weren't gifted the Carrot Top prop-bag of genitalia. This ones gonna be just fine.
I like how porn has evolved from sex, into a demanding business of who's more willing to use their vagina as a garbage can. Dare penetrate this one's genitalia and you'll be balls deep in sexual fossils of yesteryear. 10/10
1 part mystery, 13 parts WTF. Confusion starts with the Thor-like climax at 2:44. Said goober then begins to flop around like an adderall-deficient retard. WHY? Only his gyno and Shaquille O'Neal's wife have that answer.
FACT: 99.98% of YouTube prank videos are faker than every head of hair behind a Burger King cash register. But this GF bitch puts legitimacy to the final test when she commits testicular revenge not yet documented.
Going mach-17 on your clitoris in order to produce your first non-Harry Potter related climax? Cool. Seizing up like you got tazed in the asshole with a car battery? Not so cool. What in the fuck did I just ejaculate to?
Lacy wants to spice up her P-hub page with a little public action. Problem is... Lacy ain't no basic bitch that flashes her gash at the DMV & calls it a day. What follows made me scratch both balls in bewilderment.
Selena plops a double serving of guacamole right on the dance floor and straight up doesn't give a fuck. EDIT: Upon closer review it looks like she was trying to dunk into the garbage can, but missed a layup instead LOL
Dare to browse grandpa's pre-VHS war chest of adult videos and this is the gold you'll strike. An era of pr0n where incest was not only encouraged, but calling your daughter a twat was considered "foreplay". Hilarious.
Attention whore diddles her clit in the fast lane, hoping to distract a man in charge of 40 tons of steel. Victory is semi-achieved halfway in, ending with no more than a thumbs up & Katy Perry high notes. Rules of the road.
If you're the type of guy that gets enjoyment out of unsuspecting migrants being surprised by grade-A southern California tit jobs, Elay is the girl for you. Not your style? Feel free to take a gander at this instead.
Public oyster shucking. Doesn't try to hide it. Doesn't care that Hot Topic's day shift is spectating. This MILF couldn't give less than a shit about the world around her and I respect that. Neglect porn should be a thing.
She's pushing 200lbs and thinks NASCAR is entertaining. How can life possibly get any worse? If you guessed "getting tag teamed by guys that have less respect for the female body than Bill Cosby" you're a winner.
Ass like Nicki Minaj? Shameless, nude self-promotion on Twitter? The majority of you have already clicked by now, without catching a view of the churro de maricon dangling up front. If you must blame, blame yourself.
Poor prosti. Freshly brainwashed by a 24 hour marathon of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, she thought gettin hollowed out by a gentleman named Omar could be fun.
