Congratulations! You just disobeyed 50 generations of strict sexual guidelines to give southern white males their biggest erections since the Michael Brown verdict.
Crash course on how to turn your turd cutter into a perma-gaped coal mine. No CGI: Just a girl from Idaho that converted her fart pipe into a Dyson DC50. It's literally one Rosetta Stone away from communicating.
Becky and the blind Guatemalan she hired to ink her orangutang booty have some explaining to do. I think it's best you find the nearest wood chipper and lower those cheeks into it. Even FEMA can't help you now.
How/Why this female is stimulated enough to have an orgasm is beyond my knowledge. Her sexual partners include a ventriloquist dummy hung like Patrick Ewing and whatever 25,000 Dave n Buster coupons can buy.
Here's a hotel review I'd like to see on TripAdvisor: Conveniently adjacent to highway 45, where all westbound traffic can get a clear view of your battle-fatigued piss cutter. Consider my reservation booked.
3:00AM cuckolding session goes from good idea to I think I need a gynecologist as Darius Williams the 3rd repeatedly bulldozes Becky's reproductive system. Award-winning cries of fear @ 1:30, 7:16 and 16:55.
An eFukt classic circa de 2005. Same story: Upon discovery of Curious Carlos, this banshee emits a war cry that would make Conan the Barbarian shit himself 40 yards away. I'm still just as confused in 480p.
She's pretty cute right up until her orgasm. Her face and noises kill the majestic boner she had created just seconds earlier. Also, don't worry, it's cool guys, they checked her identification card and we're free to fap.
He watches his own daughter's porn films, but it's okay guys. The daughter sums it up best: "my daddy has a really big penis, and if he got turned on by my movies, I would know. Trust me". Excellent benchmark, m'lady.
Okay she's no Ellen Page, but what she lacks in fame & forehead, she makes up for in... well, actually nothing. This girl is literally fucking useless. She kills the scene at the 5.05 mark and I have zero idea why.
Sociopath games a POF.com soft 6 with a night of miniature golf & Olive Garden, only to slip 27,000 mg's of Ex-Lax into her coveted Tour of Italy. The end result? A record defining, first ever "Auto-Spacedock".
2 A.M. booty call goes from sensuous to fuck my life as DeAndre DeDouche repeatedly slides his butterfinger into no-mans-land: her acne-ridden, possibly-virgin asshole. She cries. He laughs. I bookmark.
Much like Adele after mistakenly ingesting a reduced fat potato chip, you can quite literally see fear in this girl's eyes. Emphasis @ 10.40 mark with the commencement of non-lubricated, deer-in-headlights anal. More HERE.
This girl is special. Her face says "I shop at Trader Joes and dance to Harry Potter-inspired techno music" but from the neck down she has the body of a pornstar. Oh.. and she masturbates in front of mom. #marryme.
Some of these clips suck. Others will generate increased blood flow to your nether regions. Dispense mom's Cherry-Almond Jergens moisturizer accordingly.
Vigorous ass-dildoing churns an unforeseen dookie into mashed pooptatoes, as her entire chatroom watches in disgust. She ends up totally mortified. I end up totally erect. Fun starts @ .45 mark. MORE VIDEOS HERE.
Chuck & Buck combine penile forces and quite literally fuck the basic motor function out of this washed up skank biscuit. The mere suggestion of resuming intercourse frightens her (2.50 mark). #GrabTheJergens
There's a 25 second preroll ad. That's kinda gay. But what's not gay is peeing on women while wearing a cowboy hat. So raise your can of Diet Shasta and welcome home the man that invented just that.
Check out the snapper on this one! I'll probably end up having a wet dream or 5 about eating her out. Emphasis on eating. She's got enough McRib down there to feed Kevin Smith.
This dude is the Gandalf of making women cum and today his knowledge is all open source. Just practice some of his teachings and I promise... your 'girlfriend' will never scream rape again.
