Dragging your contractually obligated meat pocket to a secluded beach for 4 minutes of rubber-coated humping is cool and all, but where's the art? A sand enema, a jellyfish tampon; can you start thinking outside of the box please?
Adrien Brody levels of acting here. The story, the camerawork, the multiple cuts to fit in a few doses of Valtrex. If it wasn't for those double milk jugs stealing the spotlight our dude might be up for an Oscar. Someone get the nomination going.
And by caught I mean encouraged to bareback strangers she met at the self-checkout lane in Target while her toadstool'd husband slap boxes his cocktail frank under dim lighting from another room. Sickening. more: [I] [II] [III] [IV]
"Squirting on the UBER driver" usually isn't a service you can add through the app. But anyone that's taken the old Taco Bell detour on the way home from a bar knows it becomes negotiable before the trip has been completed. iykyk
The average American mall has less activity than a graveyard today, so maybe consider this some sort of historical moment instead? A time when window shopping for meat this discounted was considered a communal act. #nostalgia
Unilaterally super soaking home turf without as much as laying down a blanket or wearing a form fitting adult diaper? In this economy? Its more likely than u think...
Debuting your asshole with this man as your costar is the equivalent of taking your drivers license test at a destruction derby. Against all odds she somehow she not only survived her rectal rearrangement, but thrived for many years to come.
A better title for this one would be "Last nights pasta primevera makes a surprise reappearance but my daughter can't stop violating herself for strangers in Uzfukisthan so I can't use my own shitter". Unfortunately there's a character limit.
It's one thing to beseech the good name of a private education institution. It's another to do it to the tune of $27.00 per month. Now somebody invite her to Knicks locker room. She could be doing a lot more good for the world right now.
After making it to the end of this zero budget shit show I'm inclined to believe it should've stayed forgotten. The full version is over an hour long and makes The Blair Witch Project look like it's part of the Scorsese catalog. I do not recommend.
After viewing, one must ask themselves: A 41 second tutorial on the benefits of being single, or the effects of an ever increasing usage of high fructose corn syrup in western cuisine? Both? Perhaps marriage isn't for everyone after all.
When ur cum face cant be distinguished from the unfortunate soul paid to scrub porcelain at Taco Bell on Cinco de Mayo, it may be time to reevaluate your idea of eroticism. Or just watch this techno freddy fuck instead. Like I give a bullcrap.
Don't know exactly who to blame here, but judging by her mannerisms it's safe to say this happens more often than transmitting STD's at a Taylor Swift concert.
Don't be misled by the Victoria's Secret attire and willingness to film. She may resemble that waitress at Denny's you wanted to fuck in dad's El Camino... but trust me - there isn't enough blackmarket dick pills to hammer through this one.
I remember the first time I came across Indica Flower. I feared the aroma of mango locking gel and overgrown granola bush was going to be overwhelming for anyone willing to costar. I couldn't have been more wrong. It was pineapple.
Nice titties. Spunky attitude. But what really sold me was lack of both girth and length on her costar. Look closely - you can almost pinpoint the exact moment his miniature taquito roll ends her confidence in the male gender for all eternity.
