History lesson: If u were slappin meat in the 2010 era, your hog was constantly subjected to these "pioneers" passing off middle-aged women as college girls fucking everything with a pulse. To those select few: I apologize for the PTSD.
Make sure you watch this video and dive into her Twitter wormhole first for the complete user experience. They essentially cement Hannah Hays as one of the most concerning specimens to ever Plan-B her way through the porn industry.
Just stick around for the macarena her butthole starts performing around the 0:10 second mark. For most of you, it will be the first time you see this part of the human body pull off these kinds of moves without intervention from Taco Bell.
I recognize that "if a character from A Bug's Life did porn" phenotype. That's none other than Lucy Doll, and let me tell you something brother: It's all erections and extra-absorbent Bounty Paper towels... until you hear her voice for the first time.
One of those moments where u truly wonder if the dude wifed her or knifed her. It's adventurous buttholes like hers that make a man think about bending a knee.
I can't imagine how many security deposits had to be forfeited before she learned not to film these things. I respect the adrenaline rush, but the only road this behavior leads to is paved with Plan B and a whole lot of fucking apologies.
This condition is known as 'high maintenance'. It happens when dad stops loving you before ur 1st year of college, so you seek the refuge of sigma males that don't know the difference between ur sphincter and a Rocky Balboa training montage.
One sudden move makes those lips swing around like a Basset Hound's ears during a tropical storm, and you want us to believe David's mini Twinkie is a threat to you? Keep the bullshit on TikTok, Becky - we're not buying it today.
Only 3 minutes in and her "DTF-BFF" is already retreating to TikTok. Undoubtedly to feature a status update about why it's important to scrub behind the labia once a month set to the smooth stylings of The Breakfast Club soundtrack. #bossbitch
4 min tutorial on why u stay away from those folks that consider a $50 Mernard's gift card some form of foreplay. Remember Norman Vincent's words: “Always shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you'll still land among the hepatitis."
Kinda impressive to be honest. The average man would willingly inhale the frappuccinos out of her entitled shitbasket just to say they were in the same room as her. You can go ahead and consider your penis retired my good man.
28 semesters of Botswanian dance theory paid for, and this is how you return the favor, Becky? You are now a disgrace to the once great town of Ballbag, Arkansas.
Book a 3-day trip to Thailand during any given season, and you're sure to end up face-to-clam with the kind of squash box a vending machine coin slot would be deathly jealous of. And this lady of the evening is no exception, except for...
Replace "sister with "myself" and "surprised" with "initiating a level 4 code red biohazard" and this bathroom video suddenly becomes relatable. Side Note: Never trust the color green at a Mexican restaurant. There is no happy endings.
Jim Cramer stocks, portable toilets at a Morgan Wallen concert and discounted Hamburger Helper on Craigslist: All things I'd touch before giving this petri dish another chance at stealing my limited edition Good Times AMIBO collection.
Camgirl Porn: Sometimes these chicks are as exciting as an audio book of Newt Gingrich customizing a bowl at Chipotle. But throw in a pair of glasses and a girl that pays the vagisil bill with e-tokens, and it becomes a legend in the making.
Consider this a 60 second tutorial on why you should always reach for vagina outside of Walmart's Black Friday sale. Remember Norman Vincent's words: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll still land among the gonorrhea.”
