Well with a title like that it really upgrades Portugal from "i don't even know where that is on the map" to i'll risk a coronavirus plane ride for a piece of that" for the average western citizen. Consider that your geography lesson for the day.
I'll save you some time: I don't know who girls #2, 5 or 7 are. But I do know we can thank the combination of Smirnoff and Snapchat to make this video possible.
Certainly no Scarlett Johnanson. But what she lacks in beauty and natural born talent, she makes up for in... well... jack shit. Girl is literally useless. Sitting there acting like she's being forced to watch Amy Schumer do standup at gunpoint.
Overt use of pharmaceuticals, public squabblenecking, 60FPS cameras... this video is more well-rounded than the list of STDS on her Tinder profile. No kicker, but wat it lacks in surprises... it makes up for in the worst dirty talk you'll hear ever.
I've seen this hysteria before. The McRib comes back for 2 days and someone else is trying to sell you bargain beef in the parking lot for half the price. Listen closely Becky: Not now, Not ever. Now where the fuck is my Darkwing Duck happy meal?
oh yeah, I've heard that one before. Same goes for prostitution and the night shift at White Castle. And they all end the same way: Full of grade-F beef and regrets.
It's one thing to assume the position in public places. It's another to require an audience of full-bladder'd bar bros in the mother fucking men's bathroom just to keep your addiction going. Now somebody invite her to a women's march, STAT.
Imagine swallowing enough beef to spiral the vegan community out of control, then proclaim it's not for the money. Here's a free tip: It might be more believable if you say it without the echo your butthole is emitting after doing that scene lol.
Right-swipe of the year takes a stroll down buttblast boulevard in an attempt to expand her reach on social media. Little weak TBH. I've seen assholes getting stretched wider than that in the comments under any given Logan Paul video.
She's not exactly equipped with the poker face of Clint Eastwood. So when the that wasnt a fart reaction washes over her, you know it's authentic. Reminiscent of a reoccurring dream I have involving Lizzo and all 31 flavors of Baskin Robbins
I'm sorry lady, but if you need half of Auto Zone crammed up your smurf box on top of a penis, you may be desensitized. Or from Vietnam. Dilation is important.
This ones starts off as a painal video. But much like me during a theatrical release that stars Nicholas Cage, that only lasts about 18 seconds. From there on it's all pleasure. And by pleasure I mean screaming for olive oil-based lubricants.
I originally thought this kind of situation wouldn't be a possibility outside of the family in Resident Evil 7. And then I remembered West Virginia exists. #justfacts
Imagine having a slab of meat so heavy u dedicate an entire Pornhub account to marketing it. Barnum & Bailey will be in touch. Right after the Discovery channel.
The best part of keeping a travel-sized Thai-hole on your payroll? Budget banging no matter how "eco-friendly" your $17/night hotel room is for starters. Also AIDS.
Good ole TikTok. It's like VINE, but more nudity and less dipshits that consider Call of Duty a rights of passage. Also it has Bree Louise's bare ass tit/vajee combo.
