This girl's resilience is certifiably insane. Submissive, low-maintenance personality too. I want to hug her. I want to punch her. I want to spoon all 74 zesty flavors of Ben & Jerry's out of her asshole. In that order.
I've never seen this chick cave before, no matter how big the cock. It's as if her vaginal canal is made of Teflon, with more square footage than James Van Deer Beek's forehead. But after seeing this, I'm not so sure.
I've seen some questionable shit in my 15+ years of Internetting. Venezuelan dolphin porn, sexually explicit photos of the girl from Precious, 2 minutes of 2016's Ghostbusters. But this? This gave my dick Alzheimer's.
That's it. As far as I'm concerned porn has officially jumped the shark dinosaur. Not even at the height of one of my patented LSD + Carl's Jr. wombo combo benders did I envision something as despicable as this.
Today's society literally can't walk more than 10 feet without having to pull the phone out, and feverishly hunt Pokemon. It's a condition us folks in the medical community call cuntosis. But 1 girl just made it livable.
There's only 2 things I value in life more than quilted toilet paper. One involves napalm and celebrity home tours. The other is sexually frustrated women giving less than a fuck in public. Today I get 1 wish granted.
If only he put as much effort in his camera equipment, as he did in forcing volcanic yogurt explosions, maybe we wouldn't be jacking off to Sega CD-quality full motion video right now. Up your game motherfucker.
From this angle it looks like dude is having sex with an eggplant. But after hearing this chunker bitch up more of a storm than a black woman getting short changed at Golden Corral, I have been convinced otherwise.
You can brag about your 16 pounds of lethal weaponry all you want. If this is wat you choose to do with it, its about as useful as pack of Trojans to a Pokemon Go'r.
As if coming home to a dinner plate full of rice and fried octopus anus wasn't bad enough, Dik tu Small has to lay the smackdown on a woman that isn't content with a single spring roll. The hardships of the working man.
Lunch break goes from puffin cigs, to toying tuna torpedos, as Pam Beesly all but guarantees this brodudeski's hotel stay ends in a 5-star YELP review.
Her i drive a Dodge Caravan & use coupons on Vagisil look is on-point. She's also in need of an orgasm from something not-battery powered. The 'early' chestnut evacuation at :44 is fake. Her IRL desperation is not.
Meet the Iggy Azalea of wife sharing. She honestly doesn't even need video. Just the audio of this life lesson is enough to moisten my Bugle Boy cut-offs.
He's got a unique look. Could almost pass for a greeter at an Aspergers-only Hollister. But the compliments end there, cause this being online only sunk his stock faster than Brexit. I can smell the suicide note from here.
Her boyfriend's the kinda dude that gets so high, he tries to vacuum his own shadow. Clearly this is a girl that's no stranger to surprise trips to the gynecologist.
The face of a virgin paired with a twat that's seen the blunt end of a piranha. Sorry lady, but if you expect me to believe this fantasy, you're gonna have to pick yourself up a sewing kit and get to work. Immediately.
Exciting, amirite? Too bad these are no amateurs. It's Johnny and Kissa Sins. Never heard of him? Let me put it this way: That wang has serviced more emaciated pussy than 30 yrs worth of Fancy Feast in the ASPCA.
If anything my tenure in porno has taught me, it's all Asian women a.) squeal like a chipmunk in a blender or b.) hang closer to the knee than Andrew Lloyd Webber. You're just gonna have to 50/50 chance this one.
Straight outta Tijuana and new to the pickpocket scene, this untrained shit stain stuck his hand on the wrong culo and paid for it big time. His punishment? Humiliation involving all 1.7 inches of his tator tot HAHA
