And that's about 30 more than the average heterosexual male will need to reach peak yogurt arch. If there was a hall of fame for "Reasons I Have to use a Magic Eraser on my Ceiling" this would be on top. Directly underneath this clown show.
Symptom #37 that you've graduated from everyday camgirl, to fully fledged bucket list fuck: You actively shoot, edit and upload a video of your oyster farm getting shucky ducky'd for all the degenerates of the world to see. quack quack
Guillermo del Toro and his production company have some fucking explaining to do. I don't know what I just watched but personally, I think he should find a way to cast the Olsen twins in the sequel and let the tapioca fly. Think outside the box.
Nothing quite spells C-O-L-L-E-G-E-L-I-F-E like a supposed Navy Seal turned male pornstar challenging 80+ CSUN students to a backyard beatdown whilst completely naked and armed with nothing but a slowly deflating boner. HAHA.
Mark Zucklesberg Jr. gets air-dropped into their city for one mission and one mission alone: Lay down the kind of pipe Mike Haggar used to clean up an entire city. He may look like the Pythagorean theorem but trust me, this is no sex noob.
Welcome to the world of implied incestual videos. Against all better judgement, it's managed to take the Internet's #1 spot as go-to spank material. Here's a tip tho: They're all faker than Sylvester Stallone's piss test. But this one...
This might be the one video that makes no-nut-November seem like a reasonable activity participate in. It will also peak your curiosity of trigonometry and gravity.
Pretty sure this one is a complete setup, but she's definitely been down this road before. The "a guy tried to pay me for sex in Canadian pennies so I punched his cock" is a reaction that can only be experienced - not learned. Ask me how I know.
It's one thing to play the left-handed banjo for your girlfriend's bestest friend. It's another to have said girlfriend keep that best friend hydrated mid-vertical jump. Where's the fuckin donate button? It's time to Bitcoin this legend into retirement.
Practically 2 hours of social-media influenced acts of whoring - so unprecedented you might have to get the Jiffy Pop ready and clear an afternoon. Don't be fooled by those smiles tho... their love for Internet anonymity dies here and dies now.
Becky LaStarbuck's safe space gets invaded by some degenerate clawing his way to 500 likes and subscribes... only to find the find the school's biggest petri dish instead. Does she: 1) Demand he stop 2) Compare dick sizes or 3) Not budge
Daddy-issue appearance without the feminist dick-hating. Not a bad piece of flib flab. Would I take her out on a date to Wendy's? No. Would I want to use her vaginal utopia to power an indoor slip and slide? Hell to the mother fuckin maybe.
The Midwest: Some go for affordable street drugs. Others, go to make videos that can fuel an entire season of Dr. Phil. This guy does both. 1st he loads up on Slurm, then he shows his sister-cousin who's the boss of this double-wide. A role model?
Nothing says "committed relationship" quite like turning your girlfriend's slippery octopus into a communal act. Let's just say... there won't be a marriage proposal.
Sofia plops out a double serving of cantalope du jour & straight up doesn't give a fuck that a family member is within punching distance. The perfect woman exists.
