Rarely do I say this... but she is a single crotch hair away from a Dunkin Donuts breakfast taco on my dime. Let the simp sleuth searching of her identity begin.
What's that old saying? If a technique was used to kill a person in a horror movie, some degenerate from Fuckstick Akansas is practicing it in the back of his third cousin's double wide? Because I'm pretty sure that's what were all seeing here.
I thought this was your everyday girl for a second, but it's none other than Alexis Crystal practically being fucked into early retirement. More brain damage [HERE]
uhh forget the permeating aroma of sardines now trapped in mom's throw rug forever for a second; is that a mother fuckin Panasonic Gamecube behind her?
Made me think about the underground sludge deathcore viking metal show I saw last week. It went from casual music festival, to full blown AIDS epidemic when 1 reckless cunt turned her vj into a full serve car wash. I YELP'd the venue 5-stars.
Taps out after 40 seconds of anal and can't take a cumshot without coughing up this morning's corn pops? Afraid that puts u on my no-fap blacklist. Somewhere between Joe Rogans podcast & the final episode of The Golden Girls. #standards
She's been here before, but the content train keeps chugging along. I particularly enjoy her 'less fucks to give than a dark souls speedrunner' attitude. If comps aren't your thing, you can scoop her individual sex tapes here: [-1-] [-2-] [-3-]
ex·per·i·menting:
· to try out new concepts or ways of doing things
· performing a scientific procedure, to determine something
· to let your parents find out what those clam baking classes were for
Take a generation that considers that Velma show a top comedy, crossbreed them with an addiction to experimental street drugs and this is what happens.
It looks like someone trying to parallel park a Baskin Robbins truck in New York City. Which is ironic cause squinting from this angle reveals some sort of inbred squidward ice cream bar. Think about that before tagging in your tube sock.
Basic maths tell me this situation is about as probable as Kanye West being properly medicated during business hours, but I do find her fake full body dry-heaving and dedication to the vibe kind of compelling. Thoughts? Requests?
At this point, I don't even question human behavior. The only thing separating us from being narrated by David Attenborough, are complicated sneakers and semi-automatic weapons. Turns out the Internet may have been a mistake after all.
Seems like a nice girl. The type that'd throw herself off a building if you missed a text, or cheat on you if your Instagram post got zero likes. But her enthusiasm? I've seen happier faces cleaning the handicap toilets at Renaissance Fairs. Pass.
Wait, could this be a genuine proposition? Maybe. But what you should really be asking is: If Jennifer Lawrence was to crowbar her whisker biscuit, would the walls be comparable to the consistency of pulling apart a peanut butter sandwich?
Oh it's her again. I'm not actually sure what category this library of hers belongs in, but somewhere in between "Hogwarts Erotica" and "Menopause" feels right.
Imagine hitching a ride on a South American city bus and being considered more of a biohazard than the two inches of piss you're currently standing in (barefoot).
Pretty fuckin bold move to do this in public to be honest. But while the Ebay bidding war rages on for that wet spot she left behind, consider this; women.
For fuck sakes, they could've thrown a dart at any WWE training facility and found better actors to film this drizzling shitfest. Yet, now I want them to #finishthestory
Take Sarah Palin, crossbreed her with a cum-phobic gerbil and this would be the result. Sweet mother of fucking cringe, I haven't seen someone this far out of their comfort zone since Burger King released their ultimate breakfast platter.
