Tired of jacking off to the same old fantasies of Cardi B in a bath tub full of Velveeta cheese and want the next best thing? How about the bi-product of a 50,000-Karma Reddit account? I'm talking fatal levels of simp neckbearding here.
This happens when you swipe-right 6,000 consecutive times in a row. Eventually, a jackpot is hit. It's kinda like Atlantic City but with way less transferable diseases.
Not only do women work fewer hours than men, they choose different careers. Women are more interested in people, while men are more interested in things. They also take more browns to the Super Bowl than the NFL ever has in 98 years.
What happens when you let a Call of Duty YouTuber run wild with Windows Movie Maker and semi-legal pharmaceuticals? Sometimes a digital masterpiece like this. Other times, a restraining order that would make Joe Biden blush.
Certainly no Scarlett Johnanson. But what she lacks in beauty and natural born talent, she makes up for in... well... jack shit. Girl is literally useless. Sitting there acting like she's being forced to watch Amy Schumer do standup at gunpoint.
Overt use of pharmaceuticals, public squabblenecking, 60FPS cameras... this video is more well-rounded than the list of STDS on her Tinder profile. No kicker, but wat it lacks in surprises... it makes up for in the worst dirty talk you'll hear ever.
I've seen this hysteria before. The McRib comes back for 2 days and someone else is trying to sell you bargain beef in the parking lot for half the price. Listen closely Becky: Not now, Not ever. Now where the fuck is my Darkwing Duck happy meal?
Right-swipe of the year takes a stroll down buttblast boulevard in an attempt to expand her reach on social media. Little weak TBH. I've seen assholes getting stretched wider than that in the comments under any given Logan Paul video.
I'm sorry lady, but if you need half of Auto Zone crammed up your smurf box on top of a penis, you may be desensitized. Or from Vietnam. Dilation is important.
This ones starts off as a painal video. But much like me during a theatrical release that stars Nicholas Cage, that only lasts about 18 seconds. From there on it's all pleasure. And by pleasure I mean screaming for olive oil-based lubricants.
You don't have to be a Chad to experience double-fisted AIDS. But when I go STD Akimbo I seek out the discount bin for further savings. Ever get combo-blown by 2 girls with less teeth than a goldfish? Cause you can do it twice at these prices.
Good ole TikTok. It's like VINE, but more nudity and less dipshits that consider Call of Duty a rights of passage. Also it has Bree Louise's bare ass tit/vajee combo.
Blatant use of vaginas, Public shaming, High definition cameras -- this video is more well-rounded than the Grand Slam breakfast bill I ran out on this morning. The kicker is in the last video clip. Really brings me back to the glory (hole) days.
What's that old saying again? Once you go black you almost lose your uterus in a domestic street fight, get ejected from your tiki hut, and see the business end of a Ginsu knife? Because... that's exactly what happened here. Shit's fucked up yo.
After bulldozing through Detroit's prosti population, our man broke unfamiliar ground: A woman in it for the BBC, not crackrock. And a sensitive one at that. That butthole took more abuse than a Volkswagen beetle during a soccer riot.
Kinda off-topic... but whenever this girl reaches maximum tonsil capacity her face crunches up and she sounds like a Maytag washing machine on the rinse cycle lol
Listen up Patrick: when it comes time to splurge mom's xmas money this holiday season - try making it a worthwhile investment. Like a Kindle Fire. Or a noose.
Classic case of overconfidence. If only she put as much research into the elasticity of the rectal cavity as she did into her Warby Parker frames, then maybe this permanent mark on her resume could have been avoided. Live, Learn and Burn.
