When all your knowledge of sexual intercourse comes from Shake Weight infomercials, this is the result. Also: We may have just uncovered a skill so damn useless, even California colleges won't offer a degree for it.
18 & doesn't know what an orgasm is. But here, all that matters is the size of your imagination... and truthfully speaking, dude got a fat one. Emphasis on proportions. That clit looks like a deflated water balloon glued to straw...
Unwritten rules of the practicing date rapist: #1 Lack of hygiene, #2 Look as much like George Lopez as possible and #3 Outdoing WWE's last PPV n both precision and dynamic move sets. Looks like this scumquat is 3 for 3.
Cute Girls + Public Exploration: It's a combo 2nd only to Souplantation and Charmin Ultra Soft. Add the rush of getting caught busting one out next to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and you got wife material my friend.
LIFE LESSON #387: If your name ends in Gomez, Garcia or Gonzales - stay the fuck away from Craigslist ads with the words interesting trades in them. The 50 pesos are temporary. A disfigured esophagus is forever, BROTHER.
Kinda pointless to be hung like the exhaust pipe of a Lincoln Continental if u can't keep it submerged in teen cervix longer than a hot dog commercial.
Sadie Pop You can go ahead and just consider this neurotic little twat the Meryl Streep of fake incest porn. She method acts, has a room temperature IQ and is just hoping to get the next Academy Award for muffin stuffin.
Schizoid games a Tinder.com soft-6 with an afternoon of bumper cars and Red Lobster... only to slip a couple of Oxycontin in her Admiral's Feast. The end result? 100% unadulterated, unfiltered autism around the 9:30 mark.
[tip: look in the third row for link] Creepy fuck sets up shop in an air duct just to get a peek at a random cooter as she unloads some Mountain Dew. Unfortunately he makes too much noise & scares the utter shit out of her.
The downside of adopting an all-kale diet? Every uterus in a 500 mile radius is using your ass to springboard her next Instagram post to buzzfeed's front page. And don't even get me started on the leaking bowel syndrome...
The most erotic thing I've seen since the time my 19 y/o housekeeper cried 'no es bueno' after happening upon my unflushed shitter. Day before was Olive Garden night, fuckin Tour Of Italy. To quote Lil Wayne - I made it rain.
Tired of beating off to the same old ASMR fantasy videos, and want the next best thing? How about a sexually-inept Nigerian that looks more helpless than DJ Khaled in front of 5,000 vegetarians? you played yaself.
[tip: look in the second row for link] Kinda counterproductive to be hung like a zoo animal, yet never able to find a girl that can handle 50% of your moose leg. Perhaps it's that time to trade Tinder for farmersonly.com?
Listen. I've seen some pretty loathsome shit in my day: Tijuana donkey porn, suggestive photographs of Mickey Rourke, all the Fantastic Four films. But THIS? This shit made me gag like a Hindu trapped inside Arby's. #IQUIT
I was spaghetti soft until the camera panned 12 inches south. Fucking hell, this chick is 1 injection of anesthesia away from experimental cornhole surgery & she's rippin one out like the lifeboats were deployed. I'm in love?
This is bad. More bad than the time I emptied $27 worth of Wendy's value meals into the plastic case of Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project for NES and slipped it in a Blockbuster drop-box. Wait no, that was priceless.
Her hip-to-waist ratio is insane. But mother of fuckin' Iggy Pop... not even a Chinese plastic surgeon could Ctrl+Alt+Del the Stalone from that face. Impressive body tho.... I dub thee '#1 girl I'd be sodomized in the dark by
