When all your knowledge of sexual intercourse comes from Shake Weight infomercials, this is the result. Also: We may have just uncovered a skill so damn useless, even California colleges won't offer a degree for it.
18 & doesn't know what an orgasm is. But here, all that matters is the size of your imagination... and truthfully speaking, dude got a fat one. Emphasis on proportions. That clit looks like a deflated water balloon glued to straw...
Unwritten rules of the practicing date rapist: #1 Lack of hygiene, #2 Look as much like George Lopez as possible and #3 Outdoing WWE's last PPV n both precision and dynamic move sets. Looks like this scumquat is 3 for 3.
Cute Girls + Public Exploration: It's a combo 2nd only to Souplantation and Charmin Ultra Soft. Add the rush of getting caught busting one out next to Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and you got wife material my friend.
LIFE LESSON #387: If your name ends in Gomez, Garcia or Gonzales - stay the fuck away from Craigslist ads with the words interesting trades in them. The 50 pesos are temporary. A disfigured esophagus is forever, BROTHER.
Antonio does in 1 minute what takes the customer service line at Walmart an entire afternoon to do: Completely crushes and eradicate a white girl's spirit. Don't get swindled by the thumbnail, you have not seen this version.
Sadie Pop You can go ahead and just consider this neurotic little twat the Meryl Streep of fake incest porn. She method acts, has a room temperature IQ and is just hoping to get the next Academy Award for muffin stuffin.
Schizoid games a Tinder.com soft-6 with an afternoon of bumper cars and Red Lobster... only to slip a couple of Oxycontin in her Admiral's Feast. The end result? 100% unadulterated, unfiltered autism around the 9:30 mark.
[tip: look in the third row for link] Creepy fuck sets up shop in an air duct just to get a peek at a random cooter as she unloads some Mountain Dew. Unfortunately he makes too much noise & scares the utter shit out of her.
The downside of adopting an all-kale diet? Every uterus in a 500 mile radius is using your ass to springboard her next Instagram post to buzzfeed's front page. And don't even get me started on the leaking bowel syndrome...
This is called "caught lying on your resume". It happens when soybois try to larp their way into a fantasy that exiled them faster than a steakhouse. So they load up on gluten-free macchiatos and find themselves here. Hilarious.
Listen. I've seen some pretty loathsome shit in my day: Tijuana donkey porn, suggestive photographs of Mickey Rourke, all the Fantastic Four films. But THIS? This shit made me gag like a Hindu trapped inside Arby's. #IQUIT
There's nothing more boner-hardening than uninhibited siblings... save for your dad walking in on you jacking off to Brendan Fraser in Encino Man. My point is: 90's movies are criminally underrated and it really needs to stop.
I was spaghetti soft until the camera panned 12 inches south. Fucking hell, this chick is 1 injection of anesthesia away from experimental cornhole surgery & she's rippin one out like the lifeboats were deployed. I'm in love?
This is bad. More bad than the time I emptied $27 worth of Wendy's value meals into the plastic case of Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project for NES and slipped it in a Blockbuster drop-box. Wait no, that was priceless.
Her hip-to-waist ratio is insane. But mother of fuckin' Iggy Pop... not even a Chinese plastic surgeon could Ctrl+Alt+Del the Stalone from that face. Impressive body tho.... I dub thee '#1 girl I'd be sodomized in the dark by
Kennedy Kressler. I like her. I really do. But the girl's got the skin tone of a corpse and is built like a toothpick. This is essentially 1 cunt hair hair away from being stage-3 HIV porn. Guilty boner is guilty. More HERE + HERE
