As if coming home to a dinner plate full of rice and fried octopus anus wasn't bad enough, Dik tu Small has to lay the smackdown on a woman that isn't content with a single spring roll. The hardships of the working man.
Lunch break goes from puffin cigs, to toying tuna torpedos, as Pam Beesly all but guarantees this brodudeski's hotel stay ends in a 5-star YELP review.
Her i drive a Dodge Caravan & use coupons on Vagisil look is on-point. She's also in need of an orgasm from something not-battery powered. The 'early' chestnut evacuation at :44 is fake. Her IRL desperation is not.
Meet the Iggy Azalea of wife sharing. She honestly doesn't even need video. Just the audio of this life lesson is enough to moisten my Bugle Boy cut-offs.
He's got a unique look. Could almost pass for a greeter at an Aspergers-only Hollister. But the compliments end there, cause this being online only sunk his stock faster than Brexit. I can smell the suicide note from here.
My mother was the most beautiful woman I ever saw. All I am I owe to my mother. I attribute all my success in life to the moral, intellectual and physical education I received from her. - George Washington
Concert goes from casual genital appreciation, to a full blown AIDS epidemic when 1 reckless cunt turns her vayjay into a full serve cock carwash. 1 migrant after another get granted VIP access, zero questions asked.
If anything my tenure in porno has taught me, it's all Asian women a.) squeal like a chipmunk in a blender or b.) hang closer to the knee than Andrew Lloyd Webber. You're just gonna have to 50/50 chance this one.
Straight outta Tijuana and new to the pickpocket scene, this untrained shit stain stuck his hand on the wrong culo and paid for it big time. His punishment? Humiliation involving all 1.7 inches of his tator tot HAHA
Don't let the lack of sunlight and all-Hot Pocket diet fool you: He's a vagina assassin. We all have a calling in life, and after fucking the basic math skills out of this professional, Stewart knows what his is. FULL SCENE
Admittedly this is all pretty standard 'i drank two whole Coronas on spring break and jerked off your dog in the basement' syndrome... but girl in pic #11 is asking for trouble. Like, losing your bottle deposit kinda trouble.
I'm all for pushing the limits. But when you need two tickets to fly coach cause you're packing more weight than Tyrion Lannister under your nipples, we officially have a fucking problem. #4 I'm looking in your direction.
Piper Perri knows a thing or 2 about sex. Especially in the apply the camel clutch to my vagina & smash me into the record books area. That's all I ask: Porn that sends you to wrestlemania, not the dry end of a sock.
Narcissistic dick toaster skips the small talk and goes right for the krusty burger - a secret menu item our hero victim never ordered. SPOILER: She gets rejected faster than transgender feminist in a Texas bathroom.
He was promised an all-you-can-eat buffet, he got cut off at the appetizer instead. Lesson learned: Always check the refund policy before dining in foreign places.
He bum rushes, she leaps away: a move this pro saw comin. He returns fire with a full-body thrust & hits the bottom of her gas tank. Reality sets in at 2:38 when she realizes she won the battle, but lost the war HAHA
Some will click this and see a beautiful human being. Others will bathe their routers in bleach and set a hard drive on fire. But me? All I see is the only movie star that can give herself 3 thumbs up. Call me Mr. Positive.
Spend $99 on camera equipment and suddenly you're the new face of humiliation porn. Do I believe this is real? No. Would I promise her my mini freezer full of Gorton's fishsticks to make a sequel? It's a solid maybe.
Actual Translation: im sorry i dragged my 3 inch kielbasa along your egyptian bedsheets and ended your marriage. see that pillow case? it's toilet paper now because i just shit myself in front of your knife WOO.
Today's Lesson: Halloween is not limited to 1 day on the calender, "Freddy Bangs White Girl" is more cannon than the last 4 movies combined, and watching a burn victim lay teh pipe is strangely erotic. Quiz tomorrow.
