Everyone else is talkin about stimulus checks and economic downfall, and I'm just waitin for girls to start masturbating in the middle of Target again. #oldfashioned
See that smile? That's the smile of a man that just realized there's more to life than Mountain Dew Code Red and referring to his Modern Warfare acquaintances as African Americans over Xbox Live. Quarantine has bonded us with the planet.
Show me a woman that puts this much effort into her homemade skin flicks, and I'll show you the kind of divorced mother of three I want Dr. Phil to dedicate an entire episode to. Cash me outside the 7-11 begging for Slim Jims, how bout dat?
Amateur Meme Porn: Sometimes it's about as exciting as an audio book of Ted Cruz customizing a value meal at Burger King. But throw in a girl with 2 moms and pays her vagisil bill with Venmo tips, and suddenly you got faps for days.
Deep inside a double-wide trailer decorated with street signs and rebel flags exists a video that will make you understand why Walmart not only exists, but thrives in our society. I mean there's nothing else to say... just... just watch.
Well over an hour of the most abrasive beefy bazooka blowouts to ever have the luxury of being caught on film. Some people will be turned off to anal for life. Others will discover a new path to restraining orders. But all will be entertained.
Ever find yourself asking the question: What would happen if you spiked Freddy Kreuger's Ambien with boner pills, let Michael Myers into a glory hole and told Jason Voorhees that teenage pussy has a better use than pitchfork storage?
Imagine if this technology existed in the Pamela Anderson era of near-washed up celebrity hybrid attention whore porn? Poster sales would have gone to zero man.
She's pretty hot. So hot I'd consider parting with my first-edition Lindsay Lohan love doll just for a fighting chance at being lost inside that Japanese bush fire. Yes, I'm talking about the rare pre "i snorted Tide Pods before it was cool" version.
You know your token bucket is going to be overflowing when you up your camshows wiener-to-girl above symmetrical ratios. Sprinkle in a little implied sexual assault and you got yourself a formula for Chaturbate longevity friends.
This entire glorious scene is one beautiful train wreck and I can't fucking wait to hear a epic drum and bass remix of this. :) Full Scene (Mandy): HERE. [Remix #1]
When your saddle bag is knee-level, and the age of medicare is on the horizon - maybe being labeled a sexual predator becomes the least of your problems? But for everyone else watching: You shouldn't even attempt this one. Like... seriously.
Nothing special here. Just your yearly reminder that her rockbottom, last attempt to stay relevant-sex tape has not been created yet. But trust me... it's priced in.
Well shit, I have a Fruit of the Loom boxer briefs double-pack for anyone that can track down a high definition version of this. No charge for the designer skidmarks.
The one and only Danika Mori The original teflon rectum wizard, and might I say - still the best. Her anal acrobatics set such a standard in the renaissance days of amateur porn uploads, I almost forgot she even used her vag recreational activity.
Tired of jacking off to the same old fantasies of Cardi B in a bath tub full of Velveeta cheese and want the next best thing? How about the bi-product of a 50,000-Karma Reddit account? I'm talking fatal levels of simp neckbearding here.
damn son, check out the dimensions on him. You may have a confusing dream or 2 about being bludgeoned to death by it. Big emphasis on death. The graveyard would be a guarantee if you were to sword fight Captain Black Sparrow over here.
This happens when you swipe-right 6,000 consecutive times in a row. Eventually, a jackpot is hit. It's kinda like Atlantic City but with way less transferable diseases.
Nothing peaks interest quite like alcohol-flavored women and their inability to stay fully clothed. So here's 30 of em. Specific interest should be given to girlie numero 3 who has miraculously made it through the night skidmark-free.
Not only do women work fewer hours than men, they choose different careers. Women are more interested in people, while men are more interested in things. They also take more browns to the Super Bowl than the NFL ever has in 98 years.
What happens when you let a Call of Duty YouTuber run wild with Windows Movie Maker and semi-legal pharmaceuticals? Sometimes a digital masterpiece like this. Other times, a restraining order that would make Joe Biden blush.
Well with a title like that it really upgrades Portugal from "i don't even know where that is on the map" to i'll risk a coronavirus plane ride for a piece of that" for the average western citizen. Consider that your geography lesson for the day.
I'll save you some time: I don't know who girls #2, 5 or 7 are. But I do know we can thank the combination of Smirnoff and Snapchat to make this video possible.
Certainly no Scarlett Johnanson. But what she lacks in beauty and natural born talent, she makes up for in... well... jack shit. Girl is literally useless. Sitting there acting like she's being forced to watch Amy Schumer do standup at gunpoint.
