Nothing has been as generous to the amateur porn community as the fish eyed camera lens. Joe Sixpack and his homie Mayonnaise Mike end up looking like people pay a cover charge to feed them at a petting zoo. But we know the truth.
1 part hypebeast, 19 parts herpes simplex two. Surely my user base doesn't need a PSA on the reasons not to raw dog a girl that considers Fruit Stripe gum a luxury item. But just in case I've given too much credence, do not try this one at home.
Some women need a good meal and a goodnight text to reach their sexual peak. But this one? Just one half-assed request has her pastrami butterfly goopafied. Not a single phone in sight. Just 2 people living in the moment. I kinda respect it.
Believe it or not, at one point this spaghetti sauce Elmer Fudd looking mf'er was finger blasting all kinds of college girl gooch on the regular. Honestly not the worst reason to eat that early 401k withdrawal penalty. More shenanigans [here]
The amount of women that wait in que to get bulldozed by this maniac is actually surprising. What could be done in the privacy of your own home with a gas generator and jumper cables, has been brought to public view. In high defs.
Alternate source of income? Unfortunate consequence of normalizing Twitter? Evolution? Try all of the above. Legend has it the last time Little Caesar caught her in the parking lot, a pepperoni famine started. Personally I'm not so sure.
cuck·old/ˈkək(ə)ld,ˈkəˌkōld/
→ (of a man) make (another man) a cuckold by having a sexual relationship with his wife. And in some rare cases, witness to a rare anaconda on human attack.
Pay attention to how "she" goes full Chernobyl centaur at the .03 second mark. Then remember that at least half of Instagram users will think this is real, start flirting with it in broken English and try sending it money. half. We're fucked.
Looks like a one and done because I've never seen another video of her before. Which is a damn crying shame. The consequential followup of her getting samoan dropped inside a Del Taco handicap stall would've been worth the wait.
This woman is the Nelson Mandela of butt blasting. A sacrificial lam if you will. I thought I was a charitable dude after donating 2.5 bags of Hot Cheetos to my local soup kitchen. That's diddly fuckin dick compared to this selfless act.
Seems like a nice girl. The type that'd throw herself in front of a train if u missed a text or cheat because a piece of amethyst told her to. But her enthusiasm? I've seen happier faces cleaning the handicap toilets at Renaissance Fairs. Pass.
Is there a third Bella twin I've been unaware of this entire time? I'm getting some serious WWE vibes from this performance. Ya know; mid-card acting, main event placement and knowing she probably banged John Cena somewhere in the past.
To be honest, it's probably real. The depths of hell your average Instagram'r will travel too for a few extra clicks is all the confirmation you need to prove that.
Your significant other gets curious about being on the receiving end of a 1-man firing squad. And before the next round can even be chambered, she's already hypothesizing how to make the end of your life look like an accident. Classic.
Double team raw dogging a lady of the night sure is a bold choice. Almost as bold as filming, saving and consequently having your wife stumble upon said video because you forgot how cloud backups work. That daggone syphilitic technology.
What's truly ridiculous is the volume of desperate comments under this video. Bangladesh treating Xhamster like a dating app will never not be amusing to me.
It's not every day someone's video title has me scratching all three nuts in bewilderment. But "Dumb Flashlight with Cow Tits"? Not even all 32 volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica is any help & I find my disappointment is immeasurable.
Adrien Brody levels of acting here. The story, the camerawork, the multiple cuts to fit in a few doses of Valtrex. If it wasn't for those double milk jugs stealing the spotlight our dude might be up for an Oscar. Someone get the nomination going.
My gut tells me soon after this video finished, her status as "loyal girlfriend" was about as believable as the Fast & Furious franchise stopping after the 47th movie.
The true downside of marrying prostitutes from russiabride.com? Every wiener in a three-mile radius is using your 9-5 to unload some nut sac gazpacho on your significant other And don't even get me started on the ridiculous storage fees.
Just when you think it's safe to trust again, some vagabond goes and makes unannounced deposits in your sausage mitten. Was it worth the beating Vladimir?
"you get the best barrels ever dude it's just like you pull in and you just get spit right out of 'em and you just drop in and you jus' smack lip WAPAH y'drop down s'na BAH and then after that you just drop in just ride the barrel and get pitted."
