[this] professional milk smuggler has once again proven nothing more than a gifted set of genetics can and will turn the Internet on it's fucking head. [more]
Sorry Chuds, but I'll pass. I prefer my pseudo-sister slampig content to be as believable as possible. That means more screeching about who ate the last Pop-Tart & less TikTok-level acting that makes my crotch itch just being a spectator.
Self-filming, self-uploading and self-promoting is crazy fuckin work when you got a wedding ring collecting dust on the Walmart end table. Having the phenotype of an Elden Ring skeletal archer may or may not have led to this decision tho.
"if you're caught, DON'T STOP!" That's not a direct quote or anything. And it probably shouldn't be one. Especially for that broken fire hydrant seasoning the corner table at Smash Burger around the 5:00 mark. wtf is wrong with u people?
Seems like a nice girl. The type that'd throw herself in front of a train if u missed a text or cheat because a piece of amethyst told her to. But her enthusiasm? I've seen happier faces cleaning the handicap toilets at Renaissance Fairs. Pass.
Like the thunderdome, a Woody casting means two enter but only 1 leaves with a working sphincter. The following rush to Costco's adult diaper section is usually a dark day in the victim's life... but not today. Double BOOM. Double DOOM. [more]
Using rectal sex as a vehicle to suffer more brain damage than a lifetime of galaxy gas + scrolling TikTok is a tad concerning. It may be time for reevaluation.
First warning sign should have been suggesting Ziploc Big Bags as contraceptive. The 2nd was needing to pay for a day pass in order to enter the donkey exhibit.
Nothing has been as generous to the amateur porn community as the fish eyed camera lens. Joe Sixpack and his homie Mayonnaise Mike end up looking like people pay a cover charge to feed them at a petting zoo. But we know the truth.
Alright it's time for these South American couples to scale it back a fucking notch. Most OF girls barely expose a pubic hair for 6 figure days, meanwhile Valentina and friends are facing radical spinal surgery for less than 2 scoops of rocky road.
I get the "i gOtTa MaKe SuRe tHe ThUmbNaiL hAs tO lOoK LiKe i hAvE BRaIn dAmaGe" bullshit, but could you have spared us the fucking HVAC tape across her mouth? I'd like to keep my erection as far away from Home Depot as possible.
Dude's dick looks like an authentic Leberwurst recipe that got abandoned before the oven timer went off so one has to question the agenda here. More food tips.
Only two situations leave a person with that look on their face. And both involve serious velocity of the rectal cavity. So this is either post-anal or post-white castle.
Some women need a good meal and a goodnight text to reach their sexual peak. But this one? Just one half-assed request has her pastrami butterfly goopafied. Not a single phone in sight. Just 2 people living in the moment. I kinda respect it.
For these philanthropists, it's about breaking down societal norms and giving back to the community. Jump that hurdle and nothing will come between your side piece and legendary status. Save for a pair of Joseppi's tube socks or two...
