Nope, not even getting a participation trophy for this. I've seen episodes of The Golden Girls with more enthusiasm. FREE TIP: When geriatric sitcoms produce stiffer erections than u, it might be time rethink the whole porn thing. [PART 1]
Brittanya Razavi channels Gordon Ramsay. Kagney Linn Carter gets on a list. Pierre Woodman blurs the language barrier for the 900th time this year. And Amai Liu... Well... let's just say we finally have a real threat for Jake Paul. #bookit
2 Appletinis into the evening and Olga literally can't calm her tits for more than 10 consecutive seconds. Judging by the video footage, this is both an ethics violation and a crash course on why you diligently vet those profiles on russianbrides.com.
Some of these women are mothers now. They were mothers back then too... but they're still mothers now. I want you to think about that before havin a chuckle.
This is acceptable. But you hang one brain out of your 2XL Nike Mesh shorts on squat day & suddenly you're on the lifetime ban list. P.S. Fuck you Planet Fitness.
I'd critique the plot... but we are a lot closer to this reality than ever before. Also I want to save the laughter for when some rogue 4Chan hactivist starts swapping some stranger's blueprints with the Nancy Pelosi and Donald Trump protocols.
History lesson: If u were slappin meat in the 2010 era, your hog was constantly subjected to these "pioneers" passing off middle-aged women as college girls fucking everything with a pulse. To those select few: I apologize for the PTSD.
Make sure you watch this video and dive into her Twitter wormhole first for the complete user experience. They essentially cement Hannah Hays as one of the most concerning specimens to ever Plan-B her way through the porn industry.
Just stick around for the macarena her butthole starts performing around the 0:10 second mark. For most of you, it will be the first time you see this part of the human body pull off these kinds of moves without intervention from Taco Bell.
I recognize that "if a character from A Bug's Life did porn" phenotype. That's none other than Lucy Doll, and let me tell you something brother: It's all erections and extra-absorbent Bounty Paper towels... until you hear her voice for the first time.
I can't imagine how many security deposits had to be forfeited before she learned not to film these things. I respect the adrenaline rush, but the only road this behavior leads to is paved with Plan B and a whole lot of fucking apologies.
This condition is known as 'high maintenance'. It happens when dad stops loving you before ur 1st year of college, so you seek the refuge of sigma males that don't know the difference between ur sphincter and a Rocky Balboa training montage.
4 min tutorial on why u stay away from those folks that consider a $50 Mernard's gift card some form of foreplay. Remember Norman Vincent's words: “Always shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it, you'll still land among the hepatitis."
28 semesters of Botswanian dance theory paid for, and this is how you return the favor, Becky? You are now a disgrace to the once great town of Ballbag, Arkansas.
Book a 3-day trip to Thailand during any given season, and you're sure to end up face-to-clam with the kind of squash box a vending machine coin slot would be deathly jealous of. And this lady of the evening is no exception, except for...
Jim Cramer stocks, portable toilets at a Morgan Wallen concert and discounted Hamburger Helper on Craigslist: All things I'd touch before giving this petri dish another chance at stealing my limited edition Good Times AMIBO collection.
Consider this a 60 second tutorial on why you should always reach for vagina outside of Walmart's Black Friday sale. Remember Norman Vincent's words: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll still land among the gonorrhea.”
Downside to living with a depraved girl from Frogballs Arkansas? Every time you get half a hard-on, it's time to perform. And then there's the other end of the spectrum: Girls with daddy issues, but not enough Plan-B to fulfill their destiny.
