When all your knowledge of sexual intercourse comes from Shake Weight infomercials, this is the result. Also: We may have just uncovered a skill so damn useless, even California colleges won't offer a degree for it.
Unwritten rules of the practicing date rapist: #1 Lack of hygiene, #2 Look as much like George Lopez as possible and #3 Outdoing WWE's last PPV n both precision and dynamic move sets. Looks like this scumquat is 3 for 3.
LIFE LESSON #387: If your name ends in Gomez, Garcia or Gonzales - stay the fuck away from Craigslist ads with the words interesting trades in them. The 50 pesos are temporary. A disfigured esophagus is forever, BROTHER.
Sadie Pop You can go ahead and just consider this neurotic little twat the Meryl Streep of fake incest porn. She method acts, has a room temperature IQ and is just hoping to get the next Academy Award for muffin stuffin.
[tip: look in the third row for link] Creepy fuck sets up shop in an air duct just to get a peek at a random cooter as she unloads some Mountain Dew. Unfortunately he makes too much noise & scares the utter shit out of her.
The most erotic thing I've seen since the time my 19 y/o housekeeper cried 'no es bueno' after happening upon my unflushed shitter. Day before was Olive Garden night, fuckin Tour Of Italy. To quote Lil Wayne - I made it rain.
This is called "caught lying on your resume". It happens when soybois try to larp their way into a fantasy that exiled them faster than a steakhouse. So they load up on gluten-free macchiatos and find themselves here. Hilarious.
[tip: look in the second row for link] Kinda counterproductive to be hung like a zoo animal, yet never able to find a girl that can handle 50% of your moose leg. Perhaps it's that time to trade Tinder for farmersonly.com?
Listen. I've seen some pretty loathsome shit in my day: Tijuana donkey porn, suggestive photographs of Mickey Rourke, all the Fantastic Four films. But THIS? This shit made me gag like a Hindu trapped inside Arby's. #IQUIT
There's nothing more boner-hardening than uninhibited siblings... save for your dad walking in on you jacking off to Brendan Fraser in Encino Man. My point is: 90's movies are criminally underrated and it really needs to stop.
This is bad. More bad than the time I emptied $27 worth of Wendy's value meals into the plastic case of Ninja Turtles III: The Manhattan Project for NES and slipped it in a Blockbuster drop-box. Wait no, that was priceless.
Spanked, groped & forced to eat bargain bin pizza toppings. If it wasn't for the pity squeeze, I'd wager this was gonna go from lolniceboner.mp4 to Last Known Video of Becky Stankalottapuss Alive pretty damn fast.
[tip: scroll to bottom of page for link] You know that thin piece of skin that separates the inside of a vagina from the rusty turntable? Well, her two costars just accidentally thrusted straight fucking through it. #diapers4life
5 pour souls that will never experience the sweet kiss of a double Baconator ever again. If you're the type of guy that can appreciate karma , this is the link for you. More of a humanitarian? Don't worry, I gotchu covered too.
Don't let the cute face & lack of Valtrex in this video fool you: Even the hot ones make mistakes in the eternal quest for 11 seconds of Instagram fame.
