Jim Cramer stocks, portable toilets at a Morgan Wallen concert and discounted Hamburger Helper on Craigslist: All things I'd touch before giving this petri dish another chance at stealing my limited edition Good Times AMIBO collection.
Camgirl Porn: Sometimes these chicks are as exciting as an audio book of Newt Gingrich customizing a bowl at Chipotle. But throw in a pair of glasses and a girl that pays the vagisil bill with e-tokens, and it becomes a legend in the making.
Consider this a 60 second tutorial on why you should always reach for vagina outside of Walmart's Black Friday sale. Remember Norman Vincent's words: “Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll still land among the gonorrhea.”
Like making it past the 7 min mark of the new Matrix movie, Sandra realizes a mistake has been made and there's no refunds. Now stitch that mud box up and get back in the game, BonERGuy67_IDAHO just dropped $5.00 worth of tokens.
Today we learn three crucial things, so grab your colored pencils and pay attention: #1: Voyeurism is alive and well #2: Sexual misconduct is always negotiable. And #3: Lifetime bans from Macy's aren't a big deal. Lets get it.
I'm thinking it might be best if you restrict your boyfriend from all documentary featuring Big Foot from now on. Either that or start fucking a lawn mower instead. It would probably be easier to explain those noises to the neighbors next time.
At barely 5 feet tall you're really risking full blown perineum detachment. Seriously; One miscalculated thrust to the fallopian tubes and your days of unassisted urination are out of the fucking window. You've been warned, Mia.
Downside to living with a depraved girl from Frogballs Arkansas? Every time you get half a hard-on, it's time to perform. And then there's the other end of the spectrum: Girls with daddy issues, but not enough Plan-B to fulfill their destiny.
There's a very thin (blood)line between what's acceptable and what isn't in the world of amateur porn. Admittedly I'm not telling you I know exactly where that line exists... but I do know Ned Flanders just fucking diddly doodly crossed it.
This one is for the homies that asked me wtf happened to that girl who looks like Sarah Palin crossbreed her with a gerbil? As fate would have it, not even a pandemic slowed down her quest to hate cum on a budget. Yikes and gadzooks.
I mean, blemishing a clean criminal record with multiple counts of exposing your barking walrus to complete strangers in public. The short answer? Yes. [original]
Margery and her whacky genetics have some fucking explaining to do. Personally, I think she should find a way to increase size by at least 30%. I hear right around Quadruple-K cups is when those real disability checks should start pouring in.
I was gonna comment on her looking like Wish.com Bella Poarch. Then got sidelined by her cranking his cock like a Tug-o-War with King fuckin Kong. Lady, free tip: It's not the GenericWhoreMeUp line at Sephora. There are limits here.
This increasingly disturbing camgirl behavior keeps picking up more steam, but this time the female is a total right-swipe. Just ignore mommas resemblance to Antonio Banderas in The Mask of Zorro, and it will be BUENOS FAPPERINOS.
Don't blame him. This 'once in a lifetime event'occurs more often than my toilet flushes after a McDonald's breakfast. Fuse that with her mouth breather-husband filming this despicable ordeal, and your climax is officially cancelled muchachos.
Kinda like the Jigsaw franchise, this went from slightly intriguing to 'it's time to stop' pretty damn quick. Tipping point involves a cherry-popper story told in the most soothing voice I've heard since Bob Ross. 10/10, would bust nut again.
This lady has a condition known as "fucking gullible". It's what happens when dad stops loving you before your 1st year of college, so you seek the refuge of alpha males that tenderize you like a $2.00 shank of London Broil. Manager's special.
2 parts mystery, 18 parts boner food. The bafflement begins about halfway into scrolling downward, when you realize these cornholios are too polished to have experienced chimichanga nite after dancing with Jack Daniels and Jim Beam.
Not since walking into an unlocked Red Lobster bathroom at closing time have I seen such disrespect for drug addicts. And just like the rest of the Internet watching, I am disgusted and have an unreasonable craving for buttered biscuits.
