I've seen some pretty awful CGI in my day. Dwayne Johnson in The Scorpion King, that glacier scene in Die Another Day & the entire Stephen King library. But this? This has heart. And tits that moistened my pantaloons.
Meet 19-year-old Crystal. She has a knack for turning Toys "R" Us into a sexual sweatshop. And thanks to this waifu trying to be for laifu, 2 new items just made the list: Jump ropes and Hello Kitty helmets. I smell autism.
< 3 this girl. But to win her over I'd have to pull out all the stops: Netflix the Naruto filmography, brush up on Reddit lingo and comes to terms with being called silly shit like 'newbie', and 'stalker'. The things I do for love.
Deebo gets shown the fuck up by the most impressive white snake seen since the hair metal renaissance of the 1980's. Neato... but if he ever wants to visit her poopoo cabin he's gonna need optimism, and a crowbar.
Poor execution, bro. People want to see a petite Puerto Rican with a size 0 waist become the target of that nut butter hail storm. Not a girl named Annushka and her fuckstick friend. Now apologize to her dollar store linen.
Ever watch Dumb and Dumber To? Me neither... but if they were to make a pornographic spinoff with Megan Fox, it might look something like this. Denied entry times: 12:20, 20:15 and Custer's last stand @ 23:30.
If I may be so bold, I'll speak for everyone here: I can forgive the low-grade cellphone quality. I can look past Ned Flander's head blocking half the shot. But giving us .GIF over .MP4? 0/10 you ungenerous, greedy shitbag.
There's a thin line between acceptable Facebook profile photos and wrist-deep rectal slaughter. Where that line exists, I don't know... but judging by the decorative wall piece behind them I can guarantee girlie #1 does.
Nice taste in women victims. Terrible pickup strategy though. Two words: Adoption Agency. Join the rest of the evolved population and use a dog to break the ice next time, you repulsive inbred piece of antisocial shit.
He's having good luck of the blowjob variety, and it's all caught on webcam. Her reason? Token flow is low and she has to get an edge on all the other pizza sluts. Uh huh. I see her future now... and its wearing Depends.
South American harlot gets the dignity kicked/punched/stripped out of her after jumping into bed with the wrong husband. Lesson learned: When it comes to men named Alfonzo, keep the guavas tucked in at all times.
A romantic moment breaks out in front of stunned train passengers. Emilio then ups his game by infiltrating teh underpants and securing a chastity belt-like grip on this gypsies coin purse. Technique brought to you by JCVD.
A beautiful face can make up for anything: Political strangleholds, war refugee negotiations, type 1 genital warts. But this girl? She's a weapon of mass erectile dysfunction and I don't know whether to fuck or flee...
Fire up League of Legends at any given time and you're sure to be communicating with a post-250 pounder that thinks Pop Tarts are a food group. Say hi to the exception. She's like Olivia Munn... except interesting.
Hipster look without the feminist agenda. Not a bad piece of turkey jerky. Will I date her? No. Will I treat her to a Gummy Bear Jamba Juice and complimentary cornhole evaluation? OHY. Her Twitter. Her YouTube.
It's all shits and dumplings until you give a 67-year-old beet farmer a cyclopean erection. He was invited to look-no-touch - he went bobbing for carp instead. We call it 'sexual assault'. China calls it 'breaking the ice'.
Skip to the end. The part where he goes 4th of July inside the walls of her meat wallet. If the consistency of his brand doesn't scream 'i maintain a steady diet of yogurt, honey & Elmer's glue' I don't know what does.
If only the planet of ham from this classic were here today, we could get his approval. Or h8 since his only documented contact is with Ralph Macchio. Point is: Karate Kid is a good movie and deserves our respect.
JinJang and Co. drop their porkbuns and head to the streets for some good ol' fashioned Shanghai fun: Going berserker barrage on a defenseless girls undergarments. It's like watching Bill Cosby in 1983. Too soon? Too bad.
3 groups of degenerates that have truly mastered the art of public debauchery. Blondie doing the 24 dong taste test may be a (worthy) repost, but Mr. Bean's sidewalk slam and the camel sliders sure as shit aren't.
