The face of a virgin paired with a twat that's seen the blunt end of a piranha. Sorry lady, but if you expect me to believe this fantasy, you're gonna have to pick yourself up a sewing kit and get to work. Immediately.
Exciting, amirite? Too bad these are no amateurs. It's Johnny and Kissa Sins. Never heard of him? Let me put it this way: That wang has serviced more emaciated pussy than 30 yrs worth of Fancy Feast in the ASPCA.
If anything my tenure in porno has taught me, it's all Asian women a.) squeal like a chipmunk in a blender or b.) hang closer to the knee than Andrew Lloyd Webber. You're just gonna have to 50/50 chance this one.
Straight outta Tijuana and new to the pickpocket scene, this untrained shit stain stuck his hand on the wrong culo and paid for it big time. His punishment? Humiliation involving all 1.7 inches of his tator tot HAHA
Don't let the lack of sunlight and all-Hot Pocket diet fool you: He's a vagina assassin. We all have a calling in life, and after fucking the basic math skills out of this professional, Stewart knows what his is. FULL SCENE
Admittedly this is all pretty standard 'i drank two whole Coronas on spring break and jerked off your dog in the basement' syndrome... but girl in pic #11 is asking for trouble. Like, losing your bottle deposit kinda trouble.
Apparently the whole 'beating my clit purple to the Lion King soundtrack' thing got played out. Now when she wants to gets more coin out of guys named Durwood, she whips the clam out next to family members. #SMRT
I'm all for pushing the limits. But when you need two tickets to fly coach cause you're packing more weight than Tyrion Lannister under your nipples, we officially have a fucking problem. #4 I'm looking in your direction.
Piper Perri knows a thing or 2 about sex. Especially in the apply the camel clutch to my vagina & smash me into the record books area. That's all I ask: Porn that sends you to wrestlemania, not the dry end of a sock.
He was promised an all-you-can-eat buffet, he got cut off at the appetizer instead. Lesson learned: Always check the refund policy before dining in foreign places.
Some will click this and see a beautiful human being. Others will bathe their routers in bleach and set a hard drive on fire. But me? All I see is the only movie star that can give herself 3 thumbs up. Call me Mr. Positive.
Actual Translation: im sorry i dragged my 3 inch kielbasa along your egyptian bedsheets and ended your marriage. see that pillow case? it's toilet paper now because i just shit myself in front of your knife WOO.
Today's Lesson: Halloween is not limited to 1 day on the calender, "Freddy Bangs White Girl" is more cannon than the last 4 movies combined, and watching a burn victim lay teh pipe is strangely erotic. Quiz tomorrow.
FACT: Men prefer a petite Hispanic with an anus full of fabric softener in their EconoLodge fantasies. Meet the exception: shes 30+, has tits like Deebo has lazy eyes and her policy on race-relation is top notch. More here
Shit lady, as much as I loved your stunt double work in Hatchet, I could've lived without seeing you contract a case of vaginitis. Damn near inverted my piss weasel.
See that last look on Becky's face? It's the "aw fuck, i shouldn't have skipped my shift at Baskin Robbins for this" look. lol, no shit girl. 1) Mocha Blasts are delicious. 2) your dumbass wouldn't be front page WSHH material.
This is all but guaranteed to eradicate any story you may have been led to believe about the orifice less traveled. Don't be misled by this man's apathy: Your love of hunting the backyard snapper dies here & now.
She's not exactly equipped with the rectal capacity of Richard Simmons, but the real deal breaker is bitching in broken English. Very reminiscent of a reoccurring dream I keep having involving Sofia Vergara and a billy goat.
This DiCaprio-level actress isn't much for words, but her plight is pretty clear. Likely couldn't cut it as a Starbuck's barista and is now left making 'porn' that only appeals to guys that jack off to WWE. You'll fap.
Japan-inspired remix involving serious g-spot stimulation and someone's first experience with Windows Movie maker goes horribly... right? Sounds like a direct spot in the Billboard 100 to me. And now I have a direct boner.
