My stance on remaking classics goes from "fuck you" to "where's the damn sequel?" as these masters of cinema dismember a baker's dozen worth of stunt cocks in a way that would make Tom Savini soil himself in envy.
At 1st Im like wow she's naked in Buttfuck Guadalajara. she's totally gonna get the ole chorizo up the cuchara. That worry was totally legit... up until our star got her tits up and and followed rule #22: Know your way out.
Apparently looking like a Duck Dynasty stunt double turns you into the Merlin of slaying pussy... and today his expertise is all open-source. Practice what you see here and I promise, those hookers will never LOL again.
Tara Reid's deli butcher titjob, toilet paper in a Walmart bathroom & discounted Hamburger Helper on Craigslist: All things I'd touch before giving Sarah Plain and Cunty free room & board ever fuckin again after this.
Critics are gonna have a barmitzvah with this one, but imma go with faker than Chris Brown's heterosexuality. BUT: nobody got hurt, that discharge wasn't CGI and someone added a cool IMDB credit: Physics Whore #2.
Two mugs worth of Germany's finest lagers, and this ladies mouth turns into a portable glory hole. I'm talking blowjobs, community service style. So disgraceful you'd think she was running for president of the US and A.
I'm all for women using their genitals to barter for pepperoni but for real, like G.I. Joe PSA kinda real, having your gooch rank lower on Abdul's priority list than a $3.00 tip has gotta hurt the feelies a little bit.
Ever witness a housewife buckin' like a Russian gymnast being bulldozed by Patrick Ewing? More importantly, who has a bigger penis: Kanye West or Lindsay Lohan?
This girl's resilience is certifiably insane. Submissive, low-maintenance personality too. I want to hug her. I want to punch her. I want to spoon all 74 zesty flavors of Ben & Jerry's out of her asshole. In that order.
I've never seen this chick cave before, no matter how big the cock. It's as if her vaginal canal is made of Teflon, with more square footage than James Van Deer Beek's forehead. But after seeing this, I'm not so sure.
I've seen some questionable shit in my 15+ years of Internetting. Venezuelan dolphin porn, sexually explicit photos of the girl from Precious, 2 minutes of 2016's Ghostbusters. But this? This gave my dick Alzheimer's.
That's it. As far as I'm concerned porn has officially jumped the shark dinosaur. Not even at the height of one of my patented LSD + Carl's Jr. wombo combo benders did I envision something as despicable as this.
Today's society literally can't walk more than 10 feet without having to pull the phone out, and feverishly hunt Pokemon. It's a condition us folks in the medical community call cuntosis. But 1 girl just made it livable.
Only 1 thing compliments the smooth stylings of progressive underground Serbian folk music: And that's getting more of a rash on your crotch from the guy you raw dogged, than the toilet. Ya dun good tonight, Babooshka.
There's only 2 things I value in life more than quilted toilet paper. One involves napalm and celebrity home tours. The other is sexually frustrated women giving less than a fuck in public. Today I get 1 wish granted.
If only he put as much effort in his camera equipment, as he did in forcing volcanic yogurt explosions, maybe we wouldn't be jacking off to Sega CD-quality full motion video right now. Up your game motherfucker.
