Narcissistic dick toaster skips the small talk and goes right for the krusty burger - a secret menu item our hero victim never ordered. SPOILER: She gets rejected faster than transgender feminist in a Texas bathroom.
He was promised an all-you-can-eat buffet, he got cut off at the appetizer instead. Lesson learned: Always check the refund policy before dining in foreign places.
He bum rushes, she leaps away: a move this pro saw comin. He returns fire with a full-body thrust & hits the bottom of her gas tank. Reality sets in at 2:38 when she realizes she won the battle, but lost the war HAHA
Some will click this and see a beautiful human being. Others will bathe their routers in bleach and set a hard drive on fire. But me? All I see is the only movie star that can give herself 3 thumbs up. Call me Mr. Positive.
Spend $99 on camera equipment and suddenly you're the new face of humiliation porn. Do I believe this is real? No. Would I promise her my mini freezer full of Gorton's fishsticks to make a sequel? It's a solid maybe.
Actual Translation: im sorry i dragged my 3 inch kielbasa along your egyptian bedsheets and ended your marriage. see that pillow case? it's toilet paper now because i just shit myself in front of your knife WOO.
Today's Lesson: Halloween is not limited to 1 day on the calender, "Freddy Bangs White Girl" is more cannon than the last 4 movies combined, and watching a burn victim lay teh pipe is strangely erotic. Quiz tomorrow.
FACT: Men prefer a petite Hispanic with an anus full of fabric softener in their EconoLodge fantasies. Meet the exception: shes 30+, has tits like Deebo has lazy eyes and her policy on race-relation is top notch. More here
Shit lady, as much as I loved your stunt double work in Hatchet, I could've lived without seeing you contract a case of vaginitis. Damn near inverted my piss weasel.
See that last look on Becky's face? It's the "aw fuck, i shouldn't have skipped my shift at Baskin Robbins for this" look. lol, no shit girl. 1) Mocha Blasts are delicious. 2) your dumbass wouldn't be front page WSHH material.
Cornelius-approved sex toy releases an unexpected bodily fluid, as the entire room watches in utter digust. She ends up completely embarrassed. You end up completely erect. Quote of the week heard at 4:45.
This is all but guaranteed to eradicate any story you may have been led to believe about the orifice less traveled. Don't be misled by this man's apathy: Your love of hunting the backyard snapper dies here & now.
She's not exactly equipped with the rectal capacity of Richard Simmons, but the real deal breaker is bitching in broken English. Very reminiscent of a reoccurring dream I keep having involving Sofia Vergara and a billy goat.
This DiCaprio-level actress isn't much for words, but her plight is pretty clear. Likely couldn't cut it as a Starbuck's barista and is now left making 'porn' that only appeals to guys that jack off to WWE. You'll fap.
Japan-inspired remix involving serious g-spot stimulation and someone's first experience with Windows Movie maker goes horribly... right? Sounds like a direct spot in the Billboard 100 to me. And now I have a direct boner.
Had a fully torqued meat wrench going until I panned on down to #16. Looks like someone crossbred Aubrey Plaza with a chimpanzee then shit her out of Sarah Silverman. In other words: I only ejaculated twice.
Maybe 'denied' is the wrong word, as it implies this shit faced Casanova was actually going to make contact before Deputy Dickbag appeared. It wasn't happening. Trust me. I've been to Burger King on a Friday night.
Cornholing: It's the make-or-break moment in a girl's relationship. There's always fear, but with optimism like "relax", and "you thinking bout it 2 much" our homeboy Octavious turns out to be the Bob Ross of mud gloving.
