This is what happens when you permit woman to consume alcohol before the sun goes down. Anuses are bruised, memes are created - all because 2 derpettes couldn't GPS their cornholes to a safer environment.
Wow. Being an attention whore really came back to bite this one in the labia minora? How about next time you stick to handing out your patented herpes lollipops, and save the 2nd degree burns for likeigiveafuck.com.
Silly swamp monster. You can't whip out 4+ inches of protuberance and continue to call it a vagina. Better hit up the DVD collection and Pirhana 3D that shit before roaming the bar scene. I'm here to help.
This dude is special. His face says bitch I'd kill you, but this is the closest I've been to heterosexual sex since hookers started accepting Bitcoin so imma let u finish, but from the neck down he's all business. Thoughts?
All but guaranteed to execute any size-queen fantasies u might've accidentally had after an episode of Keeping Up With the Kuntashians. Don't be fooled by that shit eating grin: Your love of vagina dies here and dies now.
Got trust issues? Mine stem from being dick tricked 392 consecutive times by the Eastern Hemisphere. Fall for that many trouser barnacles in a row and you best believe I'm 2nd guessing your TINDER profile, TIFFANY.
A good boyfriend always greases the scud duck with essential oils from Jarkata prior to admittance. Then there's this alpha bastard... who treats his cock like a great white shark on feeding day. Way to kill the trend.
Crystal-Lynn Danni Shania Duggan takes one in the eye after making an all-too common mistake: Going down the N-road with a black woman. Sorry pal, but the result is always the fucking same. #RONDAROUSEY'D
Not since using that glory hole in a Carl's Jr. bathroom have I witnessed a girl with such brilliant multitasking ability. She's got grace man. Know who doesn't have grace? THIS DYKE. Home Depot that hoe, jack to this.
Olive oil hair gel, tit jewelry, all-gold-everything: You'd think a girl with this degree of stereotyping would like pain. TIP: She don't. teh dingdong hits her sphincter like a sac of Aladdin VHS tapes, then it's ADIOS DOLLARINOS.
If only she put as much effort into real porn as she did into the Full House of scripted prank TV, maybe I'd feel proud about filling up that 6 pack of tube socks with homemade ranch dressing. But I don't. FULL VERSION
1 Little Ceaser's employee attempt to take a stand against camwhore exploitation doesn't go as planned. He went for the fuzzy doughnut, he was stripped and sent home instead. Another win for the token twins.
One of Chernobyl's second generation offspring proudly displays his self-described one-eyed tuna trawler, an unfortunately authentic title for what might be the most WTF-worthy video you'll see today. Or not...
Deprived girl volunteers her noodle bowl on Craigslist to anyone w/ legs, free of charge. But instead of spacing out the locally unemployed, she hits one after another w/o as much as a Summer's Eve bath in between. #RIP
Talk about bait and switch. Listen Riku, when it comes time to blow my nickles on backpage.com, the last thing I want my mouth on is more udders than pregnant Jack Russel Terrier. Nip/Tuck that shit, kthx.
Is this a real 'bring your daughter to work day' vid? Not with HER attitude. If you want us to believe the family picnic is real, despair is a prerequisite. Same goes for moisturizer and the Aladdin soundtrack. GET 'ER DUN.
Dude's got a knack for tossing sauce... and apparently he's been stockpiling for a week 'cause even a certified cocksmith wasn't expecting to put in overtime hours today. Not much of a talker, but she sure can squawk!
