Sociopaths play their Blue-Eyed White Domestic Abuse cards in attack mode. The end result? A record-setting 4 minute tutorial of what not to do when your Tinder match finally says yes to Chicken Nuggets & Chill.
How to make ur $50 porn vid 100x better? Do a shot of her crinkled starfish before and after sinking the dirty submarine. That's what people really want to see. A sliding scale of damage that FEMA might have to be called in for.
Short list of things I value in life: Cottonelle Ultra Comfort Care and inexperienced females, like this one in particular. Tack on the fact that she looks like pre-Civil War Pepper Pots and we're talking perfection here.
There's a pretty thin line between 'i only date girls with alcohol addiction' and being sodomized by Uncle Touch-a-Taint. Where that line actually is... I don't know. But I can tell you for sure, Bing Bing over here just leaped it.
You see all these videos of girls too scared to hit a Wendy's drive-thru with a homemade glaze. Then u have Maria Leonne... giving less than zero shits & takes more loads in public than a New York City dump truck. #trendkiller
Before today, I was certain of a few things. 1) Pennywise could never make me ejaculate. And B) The i slipped a stiffy-uh into my mother-uh videos would have been a thing of the past in 2018. Batting 0% feelsbadman.gif
Today we learn three crucial things, so grab your colored pencils and pay attention: #1: Voyeurism is alive and well #2: Sexual misconduct is always negotiable. And #3: Lifetime bans from Macy's aren't a big deal. Lets get it.
The ultimate collection (read: 20 images) of intoxicated and/or inebriated females soiling the utter fuck out of their clean images. Perhaps I'm alone on this one... but I'm seeing wife material across the board here.
I'm all for refusing to spend the extra $7.00 on a 3 pack of Magnums, but for real: if she doesn't start scouting better company eventually she'll end up on Maury Povich... and then it's "MISSION FAILED" a la Metal Gear Solid.
This girl's affinity for i licked my brother's taint porn is off the charts. She's been in more lead roles of bullshit refuse to jack off to than Jason Statham. Most likely a symptom of having a BF that fits in her finest Walmart lingerie.
So what do we have here? Stunned by the feels of reverse birth, or the start of a snuff film? Dunno, but 1 thing's certain: if anal is in her future, she best have a solid insurance plan. I'm talkin rectal trauma, of the prolapse variety.
Her 'i have a level 73 warlock in Everquest, and use an N64 rumble pack to masturbate with' look is on point. She's also in desperate need of a partner that knows how to dance the butthole boogaloo. Let's see how it goes...
Apparently a 2-pack of Bud Light turns you into the Gandolf of parking lot pussy pickups... and today his teachings are all free of charge. Practice what you see here & I promise those size-11 Craigslist girls will never "LOL" again.
Hey, no one said you had to like it Becky. Just sit back, keep a firm grip on those kneecaps and think about all the McChickens you'll be able to buy as soon as you're done. That's what gets me to the end of my weekdays.
Some guy that considers dollar store tattoos an art form bangs the shame out of the last girl that should be on his ding donger. After the 5th "look at the camera, it begins to feel more like Crazyshit vid than a Pornhub vid.
When you're moist enough to be lubed under water, and have more lung capacity than a Navy Seal - you should be recognized for your natural born gifts. Call Emma Stone & tell there's been a recount for that Oscar Award.
Prostitution is pretty straight-forward. Browse Craigslist Gigs-Labor section and let the restraining orders fly. Unless you're a naive rookie that charges less than KFC's 10-piece Family Feast. Then it gets a little awkward...