Nothing hits like implied B-list celebrities. So here's 5 mins of your wettest high school dream come to life. Thats right FIVE, as in the number of times I have to flush a low-flow toilet after a spirited afternoon at Olive Garden.
Don't let the cute face & lack of Valtrex in this video fool you: Even the hot ones make mistakes in the eternal quest for 11 seconds of Instagram fame.
A phat ass can make up for anything: bad skin, pubic lice, the initial stages of Chlamydia. But THIS vagrant? She's got booty meat like Tom Cruise has regressive Aspergers and I don't know exactly where to cram my quarters.
Not since paying backpage.com's finest in pennies have you seen a sexual arrangement become such a challenge. A hooker with a 'no tits no blowjob' policy? Congratulations on being more useless than a chocolate teapot.
I've seen this configuration before: Cute Whole Foods cashier above the waist, John Deer lawn aerator below it. I'd contact my local feminist chapter for false advertising, but I've already filled my tube sock & it's time for bed.
Fart assaults, bitch slappings, clit sniping - I thought I've seen it all when it comes to Internet prostitution. And once again, I was dead fucking wrong.
Frontal lobe ruthlessly attacked at the hands of a guy that considers Home Depot's hardware dpt EROTIC. No, this isn't my review for the newest ISIS video. It's the Citizen Kane of tardgasms, and you need to see it to the end.
A coworker at Little Caesars once told me she used the side of a Redbull can to pleasure herself. She said the feeling of her deep-dish pizza bowl being grinded made her cum instantaneously. Is that what's going on here?
Not since the days of blindly acquiring porn ala 5600 baud Limewire have I come across a female with such seminal fortitude. She's got standards brah. Know who doesn't have standards? THIS WIND TUNNEL. #sendhelp
Are you seeing that body language? I know that body language. Roughly translated it means: if you pull out again, I'll park my Kia Soul in your asshole next time you fall asleep. Go ahead, ask me. Ask me how I know.
Not since walking into a waffle house at 2 AM have I seen such disrespect for the lower half of a brown female. And just like the riot that ended that night, he has no intent of letting $39 worth of plastic surgery go to waste.
Adriana Chechik aka Performer of the Year 2017. "Question is, will she be able win 2 years in a row? As hot as she is right now, there is a chance that could actually happen, especially with the work she is doing with VR porn"
When your rusty bag is knee-level, and the age of medicare is on the horizon - maybe being labeled a sexual predator becomes the least of your problems? For everyone else: You probably shouldn't even attempt this.
Self-proclaimed Fap Ninja adds another accolade to her resume, in the form of Nicholas Cage's School of Acting graduate. An unfortunately accurate title you'll agree with when you question your purpose in life around 18:00.
I can understand the incestual story arch. I'll look past the iPhone 3 camera quality. But the no-hesitation, double-dip taste-test of his own pearl jam at 7:22 mark? UNFUCKINGFORGIVABLE you incomplete, slovenly shit donut.
This is standard Asian our music sounds like squirrels in a woodchipper, but if I put my mouth on your cock you won't notice it syndrome. Fortunately, science has gifted us the video to accompany this diss track. #springbreak
Degenerate hoebag works feverishly to get sexually assaulted by a guy with more V's in his name than a Russian dictionary... and doesn't come close to succeeding. Enjoy your 0-star YELP review Victor Vahdeem Vyachvyeslahv!
She's pretty hot. So hot I'd consider parting with my first-edition Lindsay Lohan love doll. The rare pre-i snorted Tide Pods before it was cool version.
Can't imagine how many E.R. vists had to be falsified before she found the sweet spot. I respect the exploration, but the only road this fetish ultimately leads to is Dennis Rodman and strategically placed cream cheese.
He watches commands his S/O to chew, lick and gobble her way to next month's utility bill payment. Good call on filming too. Maybe for your next exploit you can use said video to negotiate your way to a free super-size?
Becky shats herself upon realizing her next FB Live appearance won't be a pretty one. I haven't seen such an intense look of confusion and despair since that time I got caught beta testing display toilets at Home Depot.
HIM: Dressed like a level 65 COD Lieutenant
HER: Dressed like Corey Feldman during an audition
Some love stories just aren't written with happy endings.
It's all about crossing the line with class. Conquer that skill and nothing shall come between your tits and Internet glory. Save for a restraining order or 4.
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