My desired ending to all OKCupid dates.

Date: 01/29/15 | Views: 690 | Category: WTF

Camwhore #2913 feverishly penetrates her mud cutter like it's going out of style. The problem? She's doing this on company time. And has less self-awareness than a blind geriatric after sundown. #GAMEOVER

Date: 01/28/15 | Views: 22058 | Category: Busted!

To all 12 female viewers of this site that hope to one day be happily married: Break out the etch-a-sketch & take notes. She has the formula. Perky, tits like nutella-filled clouds and non-VIP access to the cellar door.

Date: 01/27/15 | Views: 61399 | Category: Anal

Have you met a man that could make a Bukkake video totally solo? You're going to today. If ever a time was needed to bring in a camera that shoots 1000 frames per second, it was for a guy that nuts like I urinate.

Date: 01/26/15 | Views: 53018 | Category: Amateur

Uncontrollable dry-heaving, borderline tears and noises I've only once heard out of the possum exhibit at the Cleavland Zoo: These are the quintessentials for making sure you never get called back for a sequel.

Date: 01/24/15 | Views: 80594 | Category: Fail

Marvel in the awe of an ass that's got more bounce in it than the entire WNBA roster. This future wife loves sex like I love slightly discounted irregular Oreo cookies.

Date: 01/23/15 | Views: 71615 | Category: Flexible

A classic, buried in the eFukt archives sees the light of day once again. Not for teh lulz, but to make sure we all remember that by always turning to the left, this was the closest any black man ever got to NASCAR.

Date: 01/22/15 | Views: 53430 | Category: Freaks

She looks like something out of Stephen King's Creepshow. He has the gut of a polar bear in it's third trimester. It was never meant to be... but somewhere between New Jersey & Bangkok, they found true love.

Date: 01/21/15 | Views: 82339 | Category: Asians

You know you're in the golden age of porn when someone hires Tom Savini for a scene. Too bad the novelty of a 3rd hole wears off pretty quick when it's got the height-to-width ratio of a paper shredder.

Date: 01/20/15 | Views: 117297 | Category: Bizarre

Don't be tricked by the "I only drink $10 cups of coffee and fuck black guys" starter kit. There may be fear in her eyes, but trust me when I say this girl is no quitter.

Date: 01/19/15 | Views: 169341 | Category: Anal

She's got the dick suckin experience of a 40-year-old virgin and a complete lack of tolerance to boot. But when you've only got $13 and the glory hole is closed for repairs, performance isn't exactly a deal breaker.

Date: 01/18/15 | Views: 115705 | Category: LMAO

For those that don't speak nachos grande, here's the scoop: The evolutionary cul-de-sac you're looking at is Beshine. At 20 lbs a piece, she holds the record for biggest mistakes on Earth, Jupiter and Deep Space 9.

Date: 01/16/15 | Views: 51967 | Category: Freaks

Not since the 2013 release of Farrah Abraham's sex tape have I seen such misuse of the human vagina. The niche for fermented twats is a limited one, but you better believe this former A/V club president found it.

Date: 01/14/15 | Views: 89528 | Category: WTF

Rule #1 of cam-whoring in the library: Always check your six. Fail to obey that and bad times lie ahead. Now have yourself a hearty EL OH EL when this girl's dreams of public bean flicking go straight down the shitter.

Date: 01/13/15 | Views: 100000 | Category: Busted!

7 kilograms worth of authentic negro boner would be a spine buster for most females. But not only is this challenge accepted, it's also catapulted my hispanic-vaginas-are-deeper-than-sinkholes theory into phase 2.

Date: 01/12/15 | Views: 146870 | Category: Big Dicks

Inebriated cougar gives an unwanted gash flash on the 2:00 AM metro line. And like me during a Michael Bay movie, this guy bails out about an hour before it's over.

Date: 01/11/15 | Views: 138608 | Category: Public

In 2 minutes flat this self-entitled shit stain goes from having fun to newest member of the talk shit - get hit club. Some people may call this domestic assault. But teh bro throwing right crosses calls it equal opportunity.

Date: 01/10/15 | Views: 142610 | Category: Drunk

I've only got two rules when it comes to watching porn flicks: 1) All females must look as little like Jay Leno as possible and 2) STAYING THE FUCK AWAKE. Esmeralda "nyquil" Gonzales is in serious violation of numero dos.

Date: 01/09/15 | Views: 93790 | Category: Amateur

Perhaps my logic is flawed, but you'd think a girl with a b-hole no bigger than a marble would be against back door admittance. But as you can see she's either a witch, or her rectal cavity is in fact David Copperfield.

Date: 01/08/15 | Views: 127809 | Category: Anal

Pair of dudes go in for the oral but end up in a sword fight instead. Accidental collisions I understand. The homosexual equivalent of a bro fist @ 15:46 I do not.

Date: 01/07/15 | Views: 92958 | Category: Porn