WARNING: This banshee makes more unidentifiable sounds than Iggy Azalea a cappella
. But zone out them screams, and you'll be gifted with a step-by-step guide to climaxal nirvana. Some positions are priceless.
Her bad-girl charm just wasn't enough to persuade fellow beach tramp into leaving her conscious. That's okay though. From the ashes of her failure, rises a new opportunity for greatness. I won't spoil it for you...
Self-proclaimed Fap Ninja adds another accolade to her resume, in the form of Adam Sandler's School of Acting graduate. An unfortunately accurate title you'll agree with when you question your purpose in life @ 4:07. lol
Probably best Jack White sticks to shitty music, where his half-cocked kebab actually has some significance. either that or get used to the Internet's shit-eating grin, cause it's not gonna fade anytime soon, HAHA.
Well, shit lady I still got some life left in my signature edition Tom Sizemore MMA gloves if this is what ur into. I'd book 3 rounds right now, but I'm not sure you'd feel about traveling by car and not autonomous cuntmobile.
I've heard a lot of guys say a lot of audacious shit just to keep their dick submerged in A-tier whisker biscuit. But to fan-fiction your way through divorce court? That's a level of dedication I never wanted to know.
This bitch is the Nelson Mandela of hooking up, but her BFF ain't having it. I thought I was a charitable dude after donating 2 1/2 bags of Hot Cheetos to my local soup kitchen. Thats diddly fuckin dick compared to this.
Damn, she's bangin. So bangin I'd give up my limited edition Taylor Swift coffee enema system just to have a lick of her waistline after a 5K. Feel free to redden those cheeks bitch, it's the compliment of a lifetime.
I like how the non-naked one cleans up the apartment, keeping things professional and ladylike, rather than jumping in and rimming the brown gazelle from behind. In her mind, she's only half a whore. CUTE ^=^
There's a very delicate line between casual buttsex, and elbow-deep rusty starfish slaughter. Where that line lives, I don't know... but I can sure as fuck tell you this human blackhole crossed it at the 4:30 mark. GAG
She literally can't stick to a consistent emotion for more than 2 seconds before turning 180° and going the opposite way. It's a serious condition. Us folks in the pharmaceutical industry call it Hyper Bipolar Cuntiosis.
If all members of The Backstreet Boys took a collective shit in a bathtub.. this sex offender is what would rise up out of it. But the real tragedy here? His sexual performance is just almost as bad as his haircut. almost
Recently divorced MILF feels the need to get wild. How bout embracin her inner Miley Cyrus & getting bacterial vaginosis 10 mins before last call? That works. Just be sure to get permission from Arturo Sanchez first, HAHA.
Nothing says i want to be 18 again quite like having the storage capacity of Madison Square Garden, right under your waistline. She's far from repairable, but that's okay. Moms are hotter when they have to try harder.
Like my reaction after hearing Oprah Winfrey wants to run for president, you can literally see fear in her eyes. Emphasis on the :24 sec mark with the introduction of a move I can only refer to as The Turkish Can Opener.
Nothing gets the clicks up quite like an unexpected ride on the gooch train: So here's a 20-pack. TWENTY. As in the number of times I have to flush a low-flow public toilet after a spirited afternoon at Olive Garden.
Nice tech, but not for beginners. Chances are your slim Jimmy will enter uncharted territories & come out looking like something from Creature from the Brown Lagoon. or Lionel Richie. Choose your own horror story.
He's built like Despicable Me, and she's got more daddy issues than stripper in her 3rd trimester. It's a sexual disconection, and one that goes from midly interesting, to dude what the fuuuuuuuuuu pretty damn quickly.
Flattery may not be my strong point, but I gotta say: chick is bangin yo. I'd gladly chew Kraft Macaroni and Cheese Ninja Turtles Edition out of Usain Bolts post-200 meter relay asshole just for a chance to hold her hand.
Who the fuck does this girl thinks she is? The John Cena of indecent exposure? This is exactly why I make my friends carry a 2 pack of raincoats on them at all times. Degenerates around every corner/burn ward.
I should warn you: Gravity has already won the war. I guess there's still life behind those nipples... but in 3 years TOPS, these things will have no use outside of being stunt doubles in the 3D reboot of Good Burger.