The downside of adopting an all-kale diet? Every uterus in a 500 mile radius is using your ass to springboard her next Instagram post to buzzfeed's front page. And don't even get me started on the leaking bowel syndrome...
Tired of beating off to the same old ASMR fantasy videos, and want the next best thing? How about a sexually-inept Nigerian that looks more helpless than DJ Khaled in front of 5,000 vegetarians? you played yaself.
[tip: look in the second row for link] Kinda counterproductive to be hung like a zoo animal, yet never able to find a girl that can handle 50% of your moose leg. Perhaps it's that time to trade Tinder for farmersonly.com?
Kennedy Kressler. I like her. I really do. But the girl's got the skin tone of a corpse and is built like a toothpick. This is essentially 1 cunt hair hair away from being stage-3 HIV porn. Guilty boner is guilty. More HERE + HERE
...to stop using the grocery store's dental aisle to reach her O-face. Shit lady, ever heard of Amazon? We'll go ahead donate the full $585.00 just to see you go 1 on 1 with this WOMB WRECKER and leave Colgate out of this war.
5 pour souls that will never experience the sweet kiss of a double Baconator ever again. If you're the type of guy that can appreciate karma , this is the link for you. More of a humanitarian? Don't worry, I gotchu covered too.
Not since paying backpage.com's finest in pennies have you seen a sexual arrangement become such a challenge. A hooker with a 'no tits no blowjob' policy? Congratulations on being more useless than a chocolate teapot.
Fart assaults, bitch slappings, clit sniping - I thought I've seen it all when it comes to Internet prostitution. And once again, I was dead fucking wrong.
Not since the days of blindly acquiring porn ala 5600 baud Limewire have I come across a female with such seminal fortitude. She's got standards brah. Know who doesn't have standards? THIS WIND TUNNEL. #sendhelp
Can't imagine how many E.R. vists had to be falsified before she found the sweet spot. I respect the exploration, but the only road this fetish ultimately leads to is Dennis Rodman and strategically placed cream cheese.
Becky shats herself upon realizing her next FB Live appearance won't be a pretty one. I haven't seen such an intense look of confusion and despair since that time I got caught beta testing display toilets at Home Depot.
HIM: Dressed like a level 65 COD Lieutenant
HER: Dressed like Corey Feldman during an audition
Some love stories just aren't written with happy endings.
A hygiene level commonly found in an Arby's handicap toilet has applied itself to this girl's rectal passage. Not shocking... but Clorox may have found it's new spokeswoman. Another desperate cry for anal bleaching HERE
