Attend a budget bachelor party in Las Vegas on any given Friday, and you're sure to end up touchin tips with a girl that dispenses more threatening fluids than a Mountain Dew vending machine. And today my friends, there is no exception.
This one's been around a while, but I still say it's legit. If I learned anything from my Grandpappy, it was his knowledge of middle-aged white women from the pacific northwest and their ruthless appetite for unannounced street meat.
Of all the reasons to leave Avatar 2 with a swamped ass, this was last on my list. Now have some respect and keep this shit in whatever theater M3GAN is playing.
Windows Movie Maker, 240p resolution and less testosterone than a Mazda Miata. The only combination more deadly than freebasing the colonel's secret recipe.
Brea Bennett for the uninformed. How can I describe her? Well, she was basically the Nikki Cox of early 2000's era porn, had the rectal capacity of a garbonzo bean and always DFA. Just another diamond that never got her proper time to shine.
Had to look up our guide to stranger danger because I couldn't remember the last time I saw her put new content out. It seems she quit a while back, and that's a shame. Those Tinder videos she was making were borderline medical journals.
Today's menu? Uninsurable throat damage, the strongest rectum in Texas, more chain mail than Scott Steiner's closet, a recipe banned from 78% of Gordon Ramsay's restaurants and an erection even Penn and Teller can't explain to you.
And by "unexplainable" I mean still getting nonsense words like stepsister in our carrot smack catalogue. It's almost 2023, we need a more interesting dynamic. May I suggest United States postman, or the mop bucket at the 7-11 for example.
Yeah uh... so is this what SoCiAL eXpErImEnTs have evolved into? Because if I've lived to the point where park benches have become more dangerous than a dimly lit alleyway after dark in a big city, we may have a problem on our hands/mouths.
Surface-to-air tits like an enhanced Nina North, attitude straight outta New Jersey and doesn't believe in webcam technology created after 1997. If her boyfriend didn't look like he writes Among Us fan fiction, we'd have an all time great here.
"I'll tell ya one thing about my personal life that I've never told before. I never fucked a ten, but one night, I fucked five twos. And I think that ought to count. I think that ought to go in your record as a positive achievement." - George Carlin
Potato quality footage, daytime gallery shoppers and talks of a Sloppy Benjamin - I'll admit, they had me in the first half. Then I realized she's pornstar Kristy Black.
Imagine documenting last nights Smirnoff-inspired gangbang and going viral in two completely different ways at the same time. #herpes #snapchat #effecient
Protip for my ever-evolving female viewer base: If you ever find yourself in this situation, make sure you order the blooming onion first. Outback servers tend to frown upon this kind of behavior out of the gate. Don't ask me how I know.
If you're into the kind of erotica that reminds you of the black market for hackey sacks and burned Blink 182 CD's, you should probably throw them a few bucks.
