Never have I seen a girl articulate her sexual desires with such grace. Undeniably the most erotic mental imagery I've had since hearing about McDonald's 24/7 breakfast menu. Both are guaranteed to require a mop.
Fueled by mental disability, these heavy-breathing fun seekers construct an excess amount (SEE: 1) of DIY love dolls. Imagine if you could get these things in a Chernobyl sweatshop - that's what they're mating with.
It's that time of year again. When the sounds of regret coming out of all orifices at once still can't drown out some rimjob who considers the accordion a pivotal musical instrument. It's not exactly easy on the liver...
Poor execution, bro. People want to see a petite Puerto Rican with a size 0 waist become the target of that nut butter hail storm. Not a girl named Annushka and her fuckstick friend. Now apologize to her dollar store linen.
Luckiest 18-year-old this side of Germania gets a b-day gift for the ages... Silicone-free, rentable-by-the-hour vagina. Look out world, for the next 4.5 action-packed minutes belong to Clovis 'take no prisoners' Hofmann.
Ever watch Dumb and Dumber To? Me neither... but if they were to make a pornographic spinoff with Megan Fox, it might look something like this. Denied entry times: 12:20, 20:15 and Custer's last stand @ 23:30.
There's a thin line between acceptable Facebook profile photos and wrist-deep rectal slaughter. Where that line exists, I don't know... but judging by the decorative wall piece behind them I can guarantee girlie #1 does.
Nice taste in women victims. Terrible pickup strategy though. Two words: Adoption Agency. Join the rest of the evolved population and use a dog to break the ice next time, you repulsive inbred piece of antisocial shit.
A romantic moment breaks out in front of stunned train passengers. Emilio then ups his game by infiltrating teh underpants and securing a chastity belt-like grip on this gypsies coin purse. Technique brought to you by JCVD.
If only she put as much effort into those art classes as she does into her Spider-Man BJs, maybe that twat wouldn't be behind a paywall. I like you, I'll fap to you - but the pedestal is still reserved for Six from Blossom.
Fire up League of Legends at any given time and you're sure to be communicating with a post-250 pounder that thinks Pop Tarts are a food group. Say hi to the exception. She's like Olivia Munn... except interesting.
Hipster look without the feminist agenda. Not a bad piece of turkey jerky. Will I date her? No. Will I treat her to a Gummy Bear Jamba Juice and complimentary cornhole evaluation? OHY. Her Twitter. Her YouTube.
It's all shits and dumplings until you give a 67-year-old beet farmer a cyclopean erection. He was invited to look-no-touch - he went bobbing for carp instead. We call it 'sexual assault'. China calls it 'breaking the ice'.
DOMINO EFFECT: she goes 2fast2furious on her clitoris > sound alerts boss > surprise confrontation almost makes her give birth to a Hershey's special dark bar. Find her HERE where she bills herself as a cool 55lbs.
Everybody is born with a gift. Unfortunately theirs is about as useful as Bruce Jenner's vagina. Sure, they can trace the history of the gluteus maximus via one touch, but will that really help greet us at Walmart?
I like how he keeps his hands above her waist, so as to not make contact with her genitals. Cuz a fingerbang would be over the line, whereas gagging on last week's dodger dog in front of 78 people is just a-oh-fucking-k.
I like how porn has evolved from sex, into a demanding business of who's more willing to use their vagina as a garbage can. Dare penetrate this one's genitalia and you'll be balls deep in sexual fossils of yesteryear. 10/10
1 part mystery, 13 parts WTF. Confusion starts with the Thor-like climax at 2:44. Said goober then begins to flop around like an adderall-deficient retard. WHY? Only his gyno and Shaquille O'Neal's wife have that answer.
Going mach-17 on your clitoris in order to produce your first non-Harry Potter related climax? Cool. Seizing up like you got tazed in the asshole with a car battery? Not so cool. What in the fuck did I just ejaculate to?
If you're the type of guy that gets enjoyment out of unsuspecting migrants being surprised by grade-A southern California tit jobs, Elay is the girl for you. Not your style? Feel free to take a gander at this instead.
