Age of Ultron left us with 1 question: Where the fuck is Hulk? Well my almost-totally desensitized friends: We found him. Thus ending a year-long debate that he'll be in Infinity Wars. Another score for Wonder Woman fans.
Guess he figured once the sound of MFC pocket change was heard, his cock would transform from Twizzler to the sword of Excalibur. TIP: It doesn't. And his hefty honey abandons ship faster than a gym elliptical lvl 1.
Meet 19-year-old Crystal. She has a knack for turning Toys "R" Us into a sexual sweatshop. And thanks to this waifu trying to be for laifu, 2 new items just made the list: Jump ropes and Hello Kitty helmets. I smell autism.
< 3 this girl. But to win her over I'd have to pull out all the stops: Netflix the Naruto filmography, brush up on Reddit lingo and comes to terms with being called silly shit like 'newbie', and 'stalker'. The things I do for love.
Luckiest 18-year-old this side of Germania gets a b-day gift for the ages... Silicone-free, rentable-by-the-hour vagina. Look out world, for the next 4.5 action-packed minutes belong to Clovis 'take no prisoners' Hofmann.
There's nothing more boner-deflating than being within inches of death, save for your dad walking in on you hammering it to Matt Damon in Good Will Hunting. How this guy managed to ejac is forever a mystery to me.
If I may be so bold, I'll speak for everyone here: I can forgive the low-grade cellphone quality. I can look past Ned Flander's head blocking half the shot. But giving us .GIF over .MP4? 0/10 you ungenerous, greedy shitbag.
Another one of those videos where brain cells are left short-circuited after being presented an elementary grade math question. All sorts of lolz, but still a long way to go before catching up to Beavis & Butthead.
If only she put as much effort into those art classes as she does into her Spider-Man BJs, maybe that twat wouldn't be behind a paywall. I like you, I'll fap to you - but the pedestal is still reserved for Six from Blossom.
A beautiful face can make up for anything: Political strangleholds, war refugee negotiations, type 1 genital warts. But this girl? She's a weapon of mass erectile dysfunction and I don't know whether to fuck or flee...
It's all shits and dumplings until you give a 67-year-old beet farmer a cyclopean erection. He was invited to look-no-touch - he went bobbing for carp instead. We call it 'sexual assault'. China calls it 'breaking the ice'.
DOMINO EFFECT: she goes 2fast2furious on her clitoris > sound alerts boss > surprise confrontation almost makes her give birth to a Hershey's special dark bar. Find her HERE where she bills herself as a cool 55lbs.
JinJang and Co. drop their porkbuns and head to the streets for some good ol' fashioned Shanghai fun: Going berserker barrage on a defenseless girls undergarments. It's like watching Bill Cosby in 1983. Too soon? Too bad.
One time something Japanese-related decides not to censor genitalia... it involves a love doll built for Verne Troyer. But the key phrase today is: LOVE STORY. This has one that would make Twilight shit it's pants in envy.
An eight minute crash course on how to squeeze every shekel out of your favorite vagrant - as illustrated by a guy that barks out more instructions than a fucking ride at 6 Flags. It's priceless information really. Trust me.
Everybody is born with a gift. Unfortunately theirs is about as useful as Bruce Jenner's vagina. Sure, they can trace the history of the gluteus maximus via one touch, but will that really help greet us at Walmart?
Not since the time I used Canadian nickles on a stripper named Twin Peaks have I seen such disrespect for fat tits. But unlike my ban from The Bush Co. - these BBW whisperers have zero intent of letting this poor soul go.
Being held hostage by a post-op a-hole? Sounds like his birthday came early. That is, until he realizes this culo hits like Mike Tyson on payday. The aroma of quepapas may fade, but the complimentary rhinoplasty is forever.
Nothing gets clicks quite like scenes of unsuspected sauce tossing. So here's 45 minutes of them. You read that right: FORTY FIVE - as in the number of erections I get during one episode of Sabrina the Teenage Witch.
Dare to browse grandpa's pre-VHS war chest of adult videos and this is the gold you'll strike. An era of pr0n where incest was not only encouraged, but calling your daughter a twat was considered "foreplay". Hilarious.
